As always, this year's Selection meeting for finalizing Bigg Boss-9 contestants had Big Boss core team of CEO COLORS TV, Mr. Raj Nayak, Jessu George of Viacom 18 Network, Big Boss and ofcourse Salman Khan himself.
Nayak, Jessu & Bigg Boss waited a full 126 minutes before Salman showed up in conference room, drunk and stumbling.
Here is an inside report of what happened during the Selection Meeting process!
SALMAN (Stumbles a bit as he enters): Swaagat naheen karoge be humaara? Hain??
BIGG BOSS (Coughs & clears his throat): Bigg Boss-9 ke pratiyogiyon ki chunaav prakriya mein swagat hai aapka Salman. Sthhan graham kijiye----
SALMAN (Widens his eyes to stay sensible & murmurs as he sits down): Hunhhh---grahan keejiye----Chandra graham keejiye ki Surya graham keejiye?------------hunnnhh
RAJ NAYAK: Salman if you are not feeling well today, maybe we can postpone this meeting---
SALMAN:
Abey chuppp! ----Jo hoga, aaj hoga, abhi hoga---Faaltoo nahin hoon main tum
logon ki tarah----------Jessu-----Bulao kaun namoone aaye hain selection ke
liye is baar----Jessu George informs Salman that this time, the format is of contestants in pairs----------Jodi---------and so they will show up in pairs. Presses the intercom button, a few seconds later entrance door opens and first pair shows up. Salman's eyes widen, he shakes his head two times briskly, freezes and breaks into his hyena laugh!
SALMAN: Hein-Hein-Hein-Hein-Hein-Hein-Hahahahahahaha-----Ohh"Ohh---Hein-Hein----abey-abey---ye chhuchhoondar aur Nevle ki Jodi kahaan se mili tum logon ko?? Chuchhoondar with mongoose----------Hein-Hein-Hein-Hein-Hein-Hein-Hahahahahahaha
JESSU GEORGE: Saar---not Chuchundar or Nevla---these are much in love couple Sir--------TV stars---------Kishwar and Suyyash Saar!---Shall I say no to them Saar?
SALMAN (Suppresses his laugh & says): Nayin-Nayin-Nayin Nayin---Is chuchhoondar mein hum wo dekh rahe hain, jo tum log naheen dekh paa rahe ho-----------------Ye hogi is season ki Shilpa Agnihotri---------usi ki tarah is baar ye karegi politics ---aur usi ki tarah bolegi---konstantttly----konstanttt-ttt-tttly---------konstantt-tttly----- Hein-Hein-Hahahahahahaha!
Kishwar and Suyyash politely thank the jury and come out of room. Kishwar taps Suyyash on his back, rotates her eyes furiously and exclaims:
KISHWAR: Salmaann is Krackkk-kkk-kkk
----------Salmaannn is krackkk-kkk-kkk-kkk dude! ------He
is krackkk-kkk-kkk-kkk!
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Digangana Suryavanshi and Roopal Tyagi show up together and Salman points his fingers towards Digangana and asks---
SALAMAN (Finger towards Digangana): Ye---ye---ye ladki hamesha mukut pehenti hai? ---She always wears a crown on head kya?
BIGG BOSS: Ji haan Salman! Ye Digangana hain---in ka biodata kehta hai ye bachpan mein doodh se nahaati thhi---
SALMAN: Hein-Hein-Hahahahahahaha----Abey le lo---le lo dono ko! Ek task mein wo Ratan Rajput ki tarah Gobar mein nehlao
------------------ Hein-Hein-Hahahahahahaha!-----Koi
boyfriends hain in ke, toh un ko bhi lo! FINAL!
Both girls giggle and move out happily and by default, Ankit Gera got selected too!
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As soon as next pair enters, Salman jerks his head 3-4 times, suddenly his face starts blazing with anger and hatred oozes out of him as he screams!
SALMAN: Gauharrr Khaaan! -----Tu plastic surgery kara ke??
----Phir se???
Aur ye Kushal gora kaise hua?----Hain?? RAJ NAYAK (Puzzled): Salman they are not Gauhar and Kushal! For God's sake, they are Keith Sequira and Rochelle Rao. The girl is Rochelle Rao-------- Salman calm down please---
SALMAN (Thunder struck, drunk expressions):
Kasam se Gauhar ko chaar hathode maar do
toh bilkul yehi shakal niklegi-----------------hmmm-------Rochelle---Rochelle---yaad rakhunga is
ladki ko-----hmmm---lo dono ko fauran!----------------Jitni baar yaad aayegi Nerolac Paints
Ki Dukaan, Bigg Boss-7 ki Shaan, Gauar jaan------waat lagaunga iski------aur is
ke is Kushal Daadhi boyfriend ki----pata chalega #UnfairSalman aur
#HirooAuntyNotHindustan trend karne ka mazaa----lo dono ko---fauran lo!!!! 
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Salman promptly okays Rimi Sen for being the only Bollywood actor applicant this year, Aman Verma for being his MC-BC gaalis & Chivas Regal-Johnny Walker daaru pal like Armaan Kohli, -----------------Vikas Bhalla for appearing to be decent gentleman as he puts it.
To fight his drunken stupor, Salman demands a lemon and just as he takes a bite of it and makes a bad face, a gori enters the room and lemon drops off Salman's hands!
SALMAN: Hain??? Kat---Katt----Katrina???
BIGG BOSS: Katrina Kaif ko Big Boss-18 ke liye approach kiya gaya hai Salman! Ye aadhi Irani-Aadhi Hindustani, Mandana Karimi hain Salman!
SALMAN: Fauran lo!!! ------------------Jo bhi thodi Hindi jaane---aur thhoda sa bhi Katrina-Aishwarya jaisi lage---FAURAN LO!-----Aur haan---Aye ladki Hindi aati hai tum ko?
MANDANA: Mere ko Hindi thhora thhora aata hai!
--------------------Mein past seasons ko
acchha se dekha hoon aur dekha hoon aap Elli aur Natasha ka saath khoob masti
karti thhi-----------------------------Mein khopdi mein bahut strong hoon---I mean head strong hoon -----------------------Jaise
Mehak Chahal, Elli, Sana Kaaan aapka dosti thhi---------------main bhi Salman
Kaaan ko apna dosti banaunga-----------aap mera se flirt karegi------main
aapse masti karoonga-------dumb blushing waala acting karoonga!
SALMAN: Hein-Hein-Hahahahahahaha! Hein-Hein-Hahahahahahaha----Fauran lo is ko!------Aur Bigg Boss---Ye ladki last 4 tak rehni chaahiye!---Paka dete ho yaar tum log final do-teen hafton mein!
BIGG BOSS: Salman ek baar dobaara soch leejiye! India Forums ke sadasya fauran pakad lete hain ki Ghar ke kis sadasya pe aap khaas meherbaan hain!
----Bigg Boss ki
icchha hai ki, Mandana Karimi ki jagah-----SALMAN (Drunk Eyes blazing Rajnikanth red in anger):
Abey apni Icchha ko kacchha pehna
tu Bigg Boss---------------Tu hai kaun be Salman Khan ki choice ko reject karne
waala?------Chhod doon show??? ------------------------------Karwaana hai host
doosre Soooper Star se? --------Khaana hai??-------------Zor Ka Zhatka---Dheere
Se?? Hain??--------- Chhod doon show?? ---Abey kuchh bakega bhi??? 
BIGG BOSS (Crestfallen voice):
Naheen Salman---aap jo chaahte hain, wohi hoga!
Mandana Karimi ko sarv sammati se chuna jaata hai!Mandana leaves the room, happily gyrating her hips and Salman watches her leave, chin wresting on his right palm, a huge smile across his face-ear to ear!
Just as Mandana opens the room door and exits, perhaps, someone outside is smoking and the final figure emerges through the smokes!
Salman's eyes see the figure coming through the smoke and he starts stammering, first in fear, then in excitement!
SALMAN:
------Oh God---Oh God----Aladin ka Chiraagh kisne ragda? ----------Oh my God-----Aladin ke
chiraag wala Jinn---Oh my God----Jinn ji---Jinn ji------------------I know aap 3 Wishes poori
karoge-----Oh God-----------------meri pehli wish-----------------Mera drunken
driving waala case dismiss kar de Supreme court--------- for good I mean haan?---Not
just bail-shail!!! 
---------Meri doosri wish------Wo wild life hunting waala
case dismiss kar de Jodhpur waali High court-------Aur meri teesri wish----Ranbir
Kapoor ki dono taang toot jaayein ------ aur phir se Katrina waapas aa jaaye meri
life mein 
-------------Oh God, I am so excited!---wow----wow!RAJ NAYAK:
Salman, Salman hold yourself! Please hold yourself!---Ye koi Jinn-Bhoot-Preit
naheen hai!!!------Ye Arvind Vegda hai! Gujarati Singer hain ye!-----Inka saara
neighbor logon ne feedback diya hai din mein gaana se disturb karte hain unko
aur raat ko bhayaanak snoring se sone naheen dete----If feedback is to be
believed, screaming train engine's sound is musical as compared to literal
nightmare that this man's kharratas are! 
SALMAN (Evil expressions):
Le
lo---Le lo! Fauran lo is ko! 1-2 hafton ke
baad---Gauhar----mera matlab Rochelle ke saath baandhna
isko--------------din
raat do hafton tak!----Poori tarah se kuchal denge is baar!!!!!!!!
Hein-Hein-Hein-Hein-hahahahaha-hein-hein-hein-hein-hein-hein--------------(falls
down
laughing!!!) 