Thursday Dec. 11, 8.00 A.M.:
Sadistic Big Boss, turns on full blast, his Cheap Chandni Chowk Speakers.
Today morning, it is Mika and Company booming in with their boisterous number,"Singh is ,King, Singh is King, Singh is King---- Singh is ,King, Singh is King, Singh is King".
No prizes for guessing, Imam has been up and cleaning windowpanes since 5.45 AM, rest appear disheveled and dirty. Niketan, Rajeev are scratching their heads as if wondering why Singhs are Kings while Madhoks, Pauls, Mishras, Pandeys, Sharmas, Vermas, Chatterjis, Bannerjis, Swamis, Iyers, Menons, Nairs, ALL OTHERS are in one word- just NOBODIES!
Most seem dead. Delnaaz is vigorously pressing and rubbing her eye lids. One of these days like a kancha-a marble, one of her eyeball might come out in her hand we are afraid. Urvashi's eyes are closed but lips are protruded forward in a Chuchhondar kiss mode.
Dec. 11, 11.00 A.M.:
Imam Siddique has mellowed down a lot in past two weeks. Earlier he used to create a scene on seeing women's garments in bathroom. Now he has given up on that and is gently demanding that atleast, women's washed underwear be dried on separate hanger strings and men's on a separate one.
Sapna asks other inmates not to listen to the idiot. That makes Imam lose his cool and he not only calls Sapna Bhavnani the fakest player in house, but also addresses her as a Tattoo-Tatti girl three times. Mercifully, Sapna pretends she heard nothing!
Big Boss has his own crazy ideas and suddenly his Ahuja speakers start blaring full blast, Daler Mehandi going ballistic with,"Tunuk Tunuk Tun,--- Tunuk Tunuk Tun,-- Tunuk Tunuk Tun,--- Tunuk Tunuk Tun-TARA RA RA----". Such is the unexpected horror that most of the housemates jump up. Even lazy Niketan, who had been in his Ardh-Uttan Paad Aasan, and lazier Vishal who has been in his typical dead body type Shav-Aasan since last 37 minutes, spring up in horror!
Gates open and a tall Sardar in elegant black sherwani & matching turban, enters to the beat of Daler Mehandi's Tunuk Tunuk Tun.
All members scream,"Sidhu Paaji------"
and
rush to embrace him. Due to Sapna's over enthusiasm, Aashka has fallen down and
as Imam's bad luck would have it, Imam ends up stepping on Aashka's right palm and
that leads to an exchange of abusive, verbal volleys between the two, as they get left behind others!
Sapna has gone bonkers with a,"Yayyy! Yippeee! Mere Sidhu Ji aa gaye, Mere Sidhu Ji aa gaye!!!" Delnaz is in an emotional state, she is crying without shedding any tears, Rajeev has those patented mixed emotions looks-pretended happiness+anxiety whether Sidhu Ji is back as contestant!
When two or more people talk to one another it is called Conversation. In Siddhu's case he speaks, all else listen and at the end he says he had a great exchange of ideas and a very fulfilling convertion. (Too bad, Imam has taken a back seat for a change)!
Daler Mehandi shuts up and Siddhu starts. Starts a typical, 'Sidhu Brand conversation."
SIDDHU: Oye Chak De Phatte, Nabh De Killi-----Oye Subah Jullundhar, Sham nu Dilli'Oye Chak de, Chak de, Chak de, Chak de, Chak de phatte, Chak de Phatte!'''.brrruaaahhh'.brrruuuaaahhh!
SIDDHU (Continues with his mesmerizing performance): Oye Main kehta hoon poore desh ko garv hai tum sab par. Big Boss ka ghar na hua, Chandni Bar ho gaya, Karishma se sab ko pyaar ho gaya-----Urvashi ki muskurahat-Niketan ki Coffee, Sana lag rahi hai Maano Cadbury ki toffee! ------Aashka ke aansuon ke aage Meena Kumari hai fail, Imam ke zulmon ne bana diya hai ghar ko Jail---oye thoko taali-Khataak!
All seem mesmerized. Delnaz's mouth is so wide open that a sparrow can consider making a nest there.
SIDDHU: Oye mujhe Parliament ke winter session mein bhi haazri lagaani hai, 3 baje Luminous Inverter ka ad shoot hai aur sham ko Laughter Challenge ki shooting bhi hai. Jaldi jaldi bolo kisko kya poochna hai Oye. Big Boss ne sirf 5 lakh diye hain, ab koi pooche is zamoore Big Boss se,---Oye 5 lakh mein kya aata hai aajkal?
RAJEEV: Ghantaa aata hai paanch lakh mein Sir--he he-he he (extremely scared expressions, looks for approval)
SIDHHU (Slaps him on back): Theek kaha mere dost, Oye Ghanta hi aata hai 5 lakh mein, aur Ek hi ghanta diya hai maine Big Boss ko!----Daago apne-apne questions! Oye sharmao mat, Poochho-Poochho!
URVASHI:
Sidhu Paaji, yahaan pe ye sab log
group baazi karte hain. Main munh pe baat karti hoon, isliye inhone mujhe group
se alag kar diya hai---.Meri samajh mein naheen-------SIDDHU:
Oye bas bas. Meri baat gaur se
sun. Sun meri baat tu---------- Samandar mein susu karne se Tsunami naheen
aati, Bandaron ki Saazish se Sherni naheen ghabraati! Oye jhund geedad-kutton
ke hua kare hain oye----Tu Sherni ban, Sherni! Main kehta hoon Sherni ban aur
apni Riyasat khud bana tu----DELNAAZ (Rotten expressions, tilted head):
Maaf
keejiye Sidhu paaji magar doosre shabdon mein aap Urvashi ko sherni aur hum
sabko geedad keh rahe hain--..ye toh galat baat--- 
RAJEEV(nods his head in vigorous approval):
Haan, Sorry Sidhu Paaji magar Delu bilkul theek-----SIDDHU (in Spare me pose):
Oye bas bas. Shaque
toh mujhe pehle din se thha tum dono saath-saath ho, magar koi baat naheen! Tmune
Navjot Singh Siddhu pe ilzaam lagaya? Toh suno--------Ekta mein bal hai! ----------Akeli
lakdi toot jaaya karti hai, saath rehne se taakat badhti hai'.--------Tum sab
saath ho, kaamyaab banoge...Main kehta hoon Ekta mein---NIKETAN: Haan Sir haan ekta mein bal hota------
SIDDHU (quietens down Niketan showing his palm at his face):
Main kehta hoon band ho mutthi toh lakh ki, khul gayi toh fir
khaak ki Guru. Dil ki baatein dil mein rakho Guru----NIKETAN: Jee Sir Dil ki baatein----
SIDDHU (once again quietens down Niketan showing his palm):
Arey pehle duniya se naa darna seekho, jene se pehle
marna sekho. Parliament mein Manmohan ji ne kaha Dawood Ibrahim ko chhoda nahin
jaayega----Chhatti thok ke Navjot Singh Sidhu ne kaha,"Sir-Pehle usko
pakad ke toh dikhao!"----------------Points towards Mink and says to
Niketan'"Haan mein haan milaana chhodo, bahaduri se jeena seekho aur-----NIKETAN: Sir haan Bahaduri se jeena----
SIDDHU (Interrupts Niketan very roughly): Baat sun be Nekatan Madhok----
NIKETAN: Ji Sir?
SIDDHU: Kya tu meri biwi hai?
NIKETAN (surprised): Ji Naheen Sir.
SIDDHU: Kya tu Google hai oye?
NIKETAN (more surprised): Ji Naheen
All seem stunned by this Siddhu special.
SIDDHU (stroking his moustache): Yaar tu meri Biwi naheen, Tu google bhi naheen. PHIR KYUN----------AAKHIR KYUN TU apne aap guess karne lag jaata hai aur suggest karne lag jaata hai Oye?------------- Jabki meri baat bhi poori naheen hui abhi Oye? Kamaal hai bhai tera----
ALL BURST INTO LAUGHTER. Niketan's haalat is like kaato toh khoon naheen.
Suddenly there is a stink in atmosphere and Siddhu immediately feels giddy, shivers a bit, staggers and falls down. Somehow he gets on his feet, visibly shaken----------After a few seconds, Siddhu pulls out his handkerchief and stumbles a bit before finally regaining his balance.
SIDDHU (Screams agitatedly):
Main kehta hoon kaun sad gaya hai yahaan? Aur kaise log ho
tum? Tumhein kucch mehsoos bhi nahen hua kya? Ufff------------kaise bardasht
karte ho aisi bhayaanak badboo?? Oye ye toh Municipality ke gutter se bhi
badtar thha oye---------KARISHMA (biting her nails): Haan!-----Hamein aadat ho gayi hai Siddhu Ji---Thora ye, thora wo----Thora idhar, thora udhar-----
DELNAZ (Roni soorat): Ji Siddhu Ji. Aadat ho gayi hai-----pata naheen kaun hai ye kambakht.
SIDDHU: Oye Sau sunaar ki, Ek Lohaar ki, aaj naheen chhodunga main muzrim ko. -----Chalo saare gole mein khade ho jao. Sab banao Gola----------chalo!
ALL stand in a circle and Siddhu starts the time tested formula of finding out the culprit of such ghastly crimes in North India!
Sidhu places his right palm on each housemate one by one and loudly chants----
Karishma (AADA)- Delnaz (PAADA), Niketan (KISNE), Aashka (PAADA?), Sapna (RAM JI), Imam (KI), Rajeev (GHODI)----continues the circle..Karishma (NE), Delnaz (PAADA!)
SIDDHU (Angrily staring at Delnaz):
Main kehta hoon tu Cheen ke border par kyun naheen chali
jaati?------ Kyun sata rahi hai in masoom logon ko?----- Oye Tu agar Tibet ke
border pe 3 din khadi ho jaaye toh Cheen Tibet khaali kar dega aur Dalai Lama
ko apna desh waapis mil jaayega Oye! Main toh Big Boss se appeal karta hoon ki
Huzoorewaala, is aurat ka potential yahaan kyun barbaad kar rahe ho?...Abey Irani
Delnaaz, Tere andar hai Maggi, Aloo aur Pyaaz! Maggi ke saath Aloo-Pyaaz khaana
itna pasand hai toh oopar se kaayam choorna kyun khaati hai kambakhat? Bacchon
ki jaan legi kya?SIDDHU (Rushes towards the exit door continuously blabbering): Bahut go gaya oye. 5 lakh ka ghanta poora----- Jaan bachi aur lakhon paaye, Laut ke Siddhu ghar ko jaaye----------Chak De Phatte, Nabh De Killi-Subah Jullundhar, Sham nu Dilli-------------Oye Chak de, Chak de, Chak de, Chak de, Chak de phatte'''------brrruaaahhh-------brrruuuaaahhh!
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