Wednesday 21 October 2015

Bigg Boss-9 Selection Meeting-An Inside Report


As always, this year's Selection meeting for finalizing Bigg Boss-9 contestants had Big Boss core team of CEO COLORS TV, Mr. Raj Nayak, Jessu George of Viacom 18 Network, Big Boss and ofcourse Salman Khan himself. Clap

Nayak, Jessu & Bigg Boss waited a full 126 minutes before Salman showed up in conference room, drunk and stumbling.Wacko

Here is an inside report of what happened during the Selection Meeting process!


SALMAN (Stumbles a bit as he enters): Swaagat naheen karoge be humaara? Hain?? Approve

BIGG BOSS (Coughs & clears his throat): Bigg Boss-9 ke pratiyogiyon ki chunaav prakriya mein swagat hai aapka Salman. Sthhan graham kijiye----

SALMAN (Widens his eyes to stay sensible & murmurs as he sits down): Hunhhh---grahan keejiye----Chandra graham keejiye ki Surya graham keejiye?------------hunnnhh Stern Smile

RAJ NAYAK: Salman if you are not feeling well today, maybe we can postpone this meeting---

SALMAN: Angry Abey chuppp! ----Jo hoga, aaj hoga, abhi hoga---Faaltoo nahin hoon main tum logon ki tarah----------Jessu-----Bulao kaun namoone aaye hain selection ke liye is baar----

Jessu George informs Salman that this time, the format is of contestants in pairs----------Jodi---------and so they will show up in pairs. Presses the intercom button, a few seconds later entrance door opens and first pair shows up. Salman's eyes widen, he shakes his head two times briskly, freezes and breaks into his hyena laugh!

SALMAN: Hein-Hein-Hein-Hein-Hein-Hein-Hahahahahahaha-----Ohh"Ohh---Hein-Hein----abey-abey---ye chhuchhoondar aur Nevle ki Jodi kahaan se mili tum logon ko?? Chuchhoondar with mongoose----------Hein-Hein-Hein-Hein-Hein-Hein-Hahahahahahaha



JESSU GEORGE: Saar---not Chuchundar or Nevla---these are much in love couple Sir--------TV stars---------Kishwar and Suyyash Saar!---Shall I say no to them Saar? Shocked

SALMAN (Suppresses his laugh & says): Nayin-Nayin-Nayin Nayin---Is chuchhoondar mein hum wo dekh rahe hain, jo tum log naheen dekh paa rahe ho-----------------Ye hogi is season ki Shilpa Agnihotri---------usi ki tarah is baar ye karegi politics ---aur usi ki tarah bolegi---konstantttly----konstanttt-ttt-tttly---------konstantt-tttly----- Hein-Hein-Hahahahahahaha! ROFL   




Kishwar and Suyyash politely thank the jury and come out of room.  Kishwar taps Suyyash on his back, rotates her eyes furiously and exclaims:

KISHWAR: Salmaann is Krackkk-kkk-kkk Geek----------Salmaannn is krackkk-kkk-kkk-kkk dude! ------He is krackkk-kkk-kkk-kkk!Ouch
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Digangana Suryavanshi and Roopal Tyagi show up together and Salman points his fingers towards Digangana and asks---

SALAMAN (Finger towards Digangana): Ye---ye---ye ladki hamesha mukut pehenti hai? ---She always wears a crown on head kya? Shocked  




BIGG BOSS: Ji haan Salman! Ye Digangana hain---in ka biodata kehta hai ye bachpan mein doodh se nahaati thhi---

SALMAN: Hein-Hein-Hahahahahahaha----Abey le lo---le lo dono ko! Ek task mein wo Ratan Rajput ki tarah Gobar mein nehlao Evil Smile------------------ Hein-Hein-Hahahahahahaha!-----Koi boyfriends hain in ke, toh un ko bhi lo! FINAL!Thumbs Up

Both girls giggle and move out happily and by default, Ankit Gera got selected too!Clap

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As soon as next pair enters, Salman jerks his head 3-4 times, suddenly his face starts blazing with anger and hatred oozes out of him as he screams!

SALMAN: Gauharrr Khaaan! -----Tu plastic surgery kara ke?? Angry----Phir se??? Aur ye Kushal gora kaise hua?----Hain?? Angry

RAJ NAYAK (Puzzled): Salman they are not Gauhar and Kushal! For God's sake, they are Keith Sequira and Rochelle Rao. The girl is Rochelle Rao-------- Salman calm down please---Shocked

SALMAN (Thunder struck, drunk expressions):  Evil Smile Kasam se Gauhar ko chaar hathode maar do toh bilkul yehi shakal niklegi-----------------hmmm-------Rochelle---Rochelle---yaad rakhunga is ladki ko-----hmmm---lo dono ko fauran!----------------Jitni baar yaad aayegi Nerolac Paints Ki Dukaan, Bigg Boss-7 ki Shaan, Gauar jaan------waat lagaunga iski------aur is ke is Kushal Daadhi boyfriend ki----pata chalega #UnfairSalman aur #HirooAuntyNotHindustan trend karne ka mazaa----lo dono ko---fauran lo!!!! Angry  








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Salman promptly okays Rimi Sen for being the only Bollywood actor applicant this year, Aman Verma for being his MC-BC gaalis & Chivas Regal-Johnny Walker daaru pal like Armaan Kohli, -----------------Vikas Bhalla for appearing to be decent gentleman as he puts it. 

To fight his drunken stupor, Salman demands a lemon and just as he takes a bite of it and makes a bad face, a gori enters the room and lemon drops off Salman's hands!
SALMAN: Hain??? Kat---Katt----Katrina??? Day Dreaming  



BIGG BOSS: Katrina Kaif ko Big Boss-18 ke liye approach kiya gaya hai Salman! Ye aadhi Irani-Aadhi Hindustani, Mandana Karimi hain Salman!Shocked  



SALMAN: Fauran lo!!! ------------------Jo bhi thodi Hindi jaane---aur thhoda sa bhi Katrina-Aishwarya jaisi lage---FAURAN LO!-----Aur haan---Aye ladki Hindi aati hai tum ko? Shocked 

MANDANA: Mere ko Hindi thhora thhora aata hai! Embarrassed--------------------Mein past seasons ko acchha se dekha hoon aur dekha hoon aap Elli aur Natasha ka saath khoob masti karti thhi-----------------------------Mein khopdi mein bahut strong hoon---I mean head strong hoon Approve-----------------------Jaise Mehak Chahal, Elli, Sana Kaaan aapka dosti thhi---------------main bhi Salman Kaaan ko apna dosti banaunga-----------aap mera se flirt karegi------main aapse masti karoonga-------dumb blushing waala acting karoonga!HeartEmbarrassed

SALMAN: Hein-Hein-Hahahahahahaha! Hein-Hein-Hahahahahahaha----Fauran lo is ko!------Aur Bigg Boss---Ye ladki last 4 tak rehni chaahiye!---Paka dete ho yaar tum log final do-teen hafton mein!Angry

BIGG BOSS: Salman ek baar dobaara soch leejiye! India Forums ke sadasya fauran pakad lete hain ki Ghar ke kis sadasya pe aap khaas meherbaan hain! Confused----Bigg Boss ki icchha hai ki, Mandana Karimi ki jagah-----

SALMAN (Drunk Eyes blazing Rajnikanth red in anger): Angry Abey apni Icchha ko kacchha pehna tu Bigg Boss---------------Tu hai kaun be Salman Khan ki choice ko reject karne waala?------Chhod doon show??? ------------------------------Karwaana hai host doosre Soooper Star se? --------Khaana hai??-------------Zor Ka Zhatka---Dheere Se?? Hain??--------- Chhod doon show?? Angry---Abey kuchh bakega bhi??? 



BIGG BOSS (Crestfallen voice): Cry Naheen Salman---aap jo chaahte hain, wohi hoga! Mandana Karimi ko sarv sammati se chuna jaata hai!Cry

Mandana leaves the room, happily gyrating her hips and Salman watches her leave, chin wresting on his right palm, a huge smile across his face-ear to ear!Day Dreaming

Just as Mandana opens the room door and exits, perhaps, someone outside is smoking and the final figure emerges through the smokes!
Salman's eyes see the figure coming through the smoke and he starts stammering, first in fear, then in excitement!

SALMAN: Wacko ------Oh God---Oh God----Aladin ka Chiraagh kisne ragda? ----------Oh my God-----Aladin ke chiraag wala Jinn---Oh my God----Jinn ji---Jinn ji------------------I know aap 3 Wishes poori karoge-----Oh God-----------------meri pehli wish-----------------Mera drunken driving waala case dismiss kar de Supreme court--------- for good I mean haan?---Not just bail-shail!!! Tongue---------Meri doosri wish------Wo wild life hunting waala case dismiss kar de Jodhpur waali High court-------Aur meri teesri wish----Ranbir Kapoor ki dono taang toot jaayein Evil Smile------ aur phir se Katrina waapas aa jaaye meri life mein Hug-------------Oh God, I am so excited!---wow----wow!

RAJ NAYAK:  Shocked Salman, Salman hold yourself! Please hold yourself!---Ye koi Jinn-Bhoot-Preit naheen hai!!!------Ye Arvind Vegda hai! Gujarati Singer hain ye!-----Inka saara neighbor logon ne feedback diya hai din mein gaana se disturb karte hain unko aur raat ko bhayaanak snoring se sone naheen dete----If feedback is to be believed, screaming train engine's sound is musical as compared to literal nightmare that this man's kharratas are! Tongue   



SALMAN (Evil expressions):Evil Smile Le lo---Le lo! Fauran lo is ko! 1-2 hafton ke baad---Gauhar----mera matlab Rochelle ke saath baandhna isko--------------din raat do hafton tak!----Poori tarah se kuchal denge is baar!!!!!!!!  Hein-Hein-Hein-Hein-hahahahaha-hein-hein-hein-hein-hein-hein--------------(falls down laughing!!!)ROFL