Friday, 13 November 2015

Poultry Farm of Bigg Boss-9

Most incredibly Misha, my extremely gentle Newfoundland dog had started speaking since morning and in an amazed, thrilled, confused and happy state of mind, I had come to the park near our apartment complex and handed him over to little kids in park who play with him daily! 

I had reached North-East side of Park and again I got a surprise! Right in front of my eyes was a poultry farm! Geek

Why had I never noticed this poultry farm before? I reached the wire-mesh fencing of farm and there I saw them! Shocked

Hens and Roosters of all kinds. Small, big , white, different colourful shades!  Party

And then lightning struck me like a thunderbolt for the second time same morning!
Believe it or not they were conversing with one another.

Some in Hindi, some in English and some in Hinglish! Shocked

Was I going crazy?  I wondered aloud and got engrossed in the wonderful world of beautiful Murgis and Murgas!

One brownish shade Hen was protesting aloud! As I did not know if these hens and roosters had any names, to be able to describe what I witnessed, I will simply describe what I observed!

BROWN MURGI: Ek second!----Ek second--------------Ye koyi tareeka nayin hai!-------------Poultry farm ka waking up time 8 O'Clock hai!---Tum subah mein 4.30 baje se chilla-chilli kaaye ko kar raha hai? ----------Neend ko disturb kiya mera!
An ugly,  angry Rooster replied back.

I did not like his looks at all. As if he wasn't ugly enough, he actually had teeth! Shocked
God! Can you believe a Murga with vicious teeth flashing? When he spoke, he started speaking gently and with almost every word his pitch got hoarser, reaching Richter scale 9.5 by his last sentence!

UGLY ANGRY MURGA: Oh ho! ------Oh ho!!!---------Poultry ke maalik ko bol do Murgi Madam ki neend disturb ho gayi!----Bolo Maalik,------- hum sab yahaan sone aaye hain, sone!!!-------Koi bura manta hai toh maane------Main is farm Ke EK-EK Murgi-Murge ko------------JAGAA KE RAHOOONGAAA! Angry  

All Murga-Murgis had stunned scared expressions on their faces, but a bit away from all these, two roosters were putting up a valiant show of fight!

CLEAN SHAVEN MURGA: Abey Jaa! Murga hai tu

DADHIYAL (Bearded) MURGA-Stunned: Kya bola be? Shocked


DADHIYAL MURGA  (regaining bit of balance): Tu hai Murga 

CLEAN SHAVEN MURGA (Reaching beak kissing distance): Murga hai tu!



DADHIYAL MURGA:Abey hutt Naqli---Bad breath-Bad breath---peechhe hatt!

CLEAN SHAVEN MURGA: Teri badi khusboo aa rahi hai---Murga hai tu!


Along with me lot of curious bystanders had arrived by now and there was a sizeable crowd around me watching this spectacle of two Murgas on the verge of ripping each other apart!

DADHIYAL MURGA: Jo mann mein aayega karoonga---Jaa be Naqli!

CLEAN SHAVEN MURGA: Murga hai tu---Chal kar----

DADHIYAL MURGA: Karoonga---Karoonga----------jaa be naqli!

Some fools around me started betting which Murga will win this fight. Half a dozen Punjabis around me started betting 100$ each on Clean Shaven Murga ripping apart the bearded Dadhiyal one in no more than next three minutes.

Suddenly both Murgas started smiling, turned their asses on all of us, hugged each other and like Jai-Veeru of Sholay, went the other way humming "Ye Dosti, Hum Nahin, Chhodenge---Chhodenge"Dum Magar---Tera Saath naa Chhodenge!" 

Thoroughly embarrased, all of us spectators felt like fools and I sheepishly slipped away to my left where one Rooster-Hen pair was lovingly cuddling and pecking each other. 

I immediately recognized it was same Murgi who had been scolded early in morning by the Ugly Angry Murga with vicious sharp teeth!

I noticed a white Murgi was looking at this visibly in-love pair of Murga-Murgi, with scornful looks on her face

WHITE MURGI: Aapka girlfriend Moorgi ka damaag sayi nayin hei!----Aap apna damaag lagaati nayin hein-----aur uska harek signal pe---booddoo ka jaise poonch heela-heela ke haan kar deti hai----Aapka girlfriend moorgi----

Early morning SAB KO JAGA KE RAHOOONGAAA jhaad and now this onslaught of White Murgi----- was enough to transform looks of girlfriend Murgi in to a completely Lutey-Pitey looks!Confused

LUTI-PITI MURGI: Hello ek second----Mein sirf apna Moorka ka girlfriend Moorki neyin hoon----And he is not just my boyfriend Moorka-----Hello-----naam hai hum dono ki----Confused

WHITE MURGI (Turned around and walked away royally murmuring): This conversation is over for me---OVER! Approve

Luti Piti Murgi started sobbing uncontrollably! Cry
I moved to other side of the poultry farm and I noticed it was the poultry feed area and many Murga Murgis were huddled together around the feed area.
One of the Murgis in group, resembled more like a Gray Partridge or TEETAR as we call in Hindi. She would roll her head every few split seconds with a jerk and come up with extremely shrewd expressions non-stop. Clean shaven Murga was some distance away and a bald Murga was roaming around nearby.

TEETAR TYPE MURGI: Wo dekho Dadhiyal Murga aa raha hai is taraf! Evil Smile

CLEAN SHAVEN MURGA: Aaj jaan se maar doonga is dadhiyal ko----ab aayega maza game ka!

TEETAR TYPE MURGI: Rehne de! -Tere bharose rahe toh ho gaya beda paar!----Wait------------Aaak Thhooo-----Aaak Thhooo---Aak Thhhooo!----Ab khaane do is dadhiyal ko ye feed!Evil Smile  

The group of Murga Murgis giggled and not just a few of them, but surprisingly, the bald Murga too spat on the chicken feed! Shocked

Within no time Dadhiyal Murga reached the feed area, all smiled at him and unaware of their ghastly deed, he plucked out bit by bit and ate the spit laced chicken feed, to his heart's content!

Amazed at what all I had witnessed at Poultry farm, I returned where kids, Masha, Dennis, Christina and Oleg were playing with my dog Misha and were excitedly shrieking in amazement even as Misha was patiently replying to all their kid questions like a mature Baba Ji! 

Misha himself said to me,"Sir, lets go home now! Can you please help me with my breakfast Sir?...OK bye children, I love you all-----------see you tomorrow". Me and my Misha, conversing like closest buddies that we are, came home vert excited!

Next few days passed off, as if in a few blinks! It was Saturday night and my evening walk with Misha took us to poultry farm yet again!

To say that what I saw simply left me stunned, would be understatement of the year!

I swear I had never imagined a little Murga could be as strong as the one I saw that evening! Shocked

Stockily built, extremely good looking and blessed with muscles from top to toe, this brute of a Murga was outside the farm but with his head firmly inside the poultry farm, through one of the windows! He was terrorizing the inmates of poultry farm, and his expressions and words were alternating between disarming smiles, charming little jokes and insulting mocks and scorns!-----Real Dabangg Murga I would say!Thumbs Up  

DABANGG MURGA: Swaagat naheen karoge be humaara? Approve----Kya nautanki laga rakhi hai be? Clean shaven Murge? Daadhi waale murge?"Ladna naheen thha toh nautanki kyun ki?"Ab dost kyun ho be tum dono? Angry

CLEAN SHAVEN MURGA: Sir, Dadhiyal ji dil ke bure naheen hai---Maine realize kar liya thha ye----isliye inko support bhi kiya baad mein---but koi Murgi pataane ka ya Chaara ikatthha karne ka task aata hai toh main doonga in ko competition! ---Aap ek naya murga dekhenge mujh mein! Star

DADHIYAL MURGA: Sir jab main aaya thha toh kaha thha maine ki main Bura hoon----but wo isliye ki ye sab Saas-Bahoo game khel rahe thhe. ------Mujhe inmein jaan daalni thhi, bas Sir. Bura naheen hoon main! Confused

DABANGG MURGA: Dadhiyal tere khaane mein is Teetar Murgi ne thhooka---kuchh kehna hai tujhe?

DADHIYAL MURGA (Holding his throat starts coughing uncontrollably): Khon-Khon-Khon-Khon-----Khaaun-Khaaun----Tabhi main kahoon---Khon-Khon-khon-khon----------Khaansi kyun----Khaun-khaun---ho rahi hai 2 din se? -----Khon-Khon-Khon-Khon! 

WHITE MURGI: Daadhi waala Moorgaa---Daadhi waala Moorgaa----------Take some Glycodin----nehin toh Corex cough syrup lo-----neglect karegi toh Tuberculosis bhi ho sakti hai-------tum mar bhi sakti hai and don't be dumb! --------Criminals ko punishment-------meelni hi chaahiye-----Evil Smile 

DABANGG MURGA: Ganje Murge! Naughty Boy!---Teetar Murgi ne thhooka toh tumne bhi thhook diya? Wink

BALD MURGA: Naheen Sir. Main har cheez logic ko dhyaan mein rakh ke karta hoon. Maine naheen thhooka Sir. ------Sirf thhookne ki ACTING ki ACTING!Embarrassed

DABANGG MURGA: Ye sahi baat hai! -----------Ganje Murge ne NAHEEN THHOOKA! --------------------------------O ------daanton waale Murge!---Angry---------Kyun is chhoti bacchi murgi ko taandav-taandav bol ke dara raha thha tu?---Aur kis bade Murge ko jaanta hai be tu?---You look like a complete fool when you say stuff like that! Angry------Koi is chhoti Murgi ko kuchh samjhaana chaahega?

WHITE MURGI: Mein is Chhota Moorgi ko bolna chaahte hain------ki ye bahut chhota moorgi hai---influence ho jaata hain! ----Abhi zaroori hai ki ye firm stand lena seekhna hai---------aisa booddoo ka maafik udenga,----- toh apna beak ke oopar girenga----beak-khopda sab phoot jaayenga is ka---meine isko bolna hai---ki ye chhota moorgi hai-----oorne waala cheeriya neyin hai ye-----haan!

Suddenly I noticed a giggling Murgi outside the poultry farm. Remarkable thing was she had lipstick on her beak and nailpolish on her well manicured nails! She was giggling and yet, had tears flowing from her eyes!Tongue

GIGGLING MURGI: Hehehe!---Sir---Mujhe aapne baahar kyun nikaala? Hehehe!LOL---I smiled every two minutes-----ek naheen do -do Murge pyaar mein paagal hue mere liye---Ye Dadhiyal Murga  bhi aur ye Buddhu Murga bhi----kyun  nikaala Sir?---can I come back please? EmbarrassedLOL  

DABANGG MURGA (Angrily): Dafa ho jaao yahaan se! Angry----Ek baar maine commitment kar di, toh us ke baad toh main apne aap ki bhi naheen suntaa----aur meri is baar ki commitment, is Safed Murgi ke liye hai! Angry

Suddenly I heard  screams of AAG-AAG bachao-bachao---FIRE-FIRE---somebody help!---My leg got entangled in the poultry farm wire-mesh boundary and I was trying my best to get out of the trap, but experiencing repeated forceful tugs and pulls on my left feet!

Within a fraction of second the siren and bells of Fire brigade wagons could be heard and as if by sheer magic, the fire brigade siren got transformed into beautiful, melodious 3rd symphony of Beethoven, my daily morning alarm!

Sweating profusely I opened my eyes! Beethoven on my surround sound system had been trying to wake me up in vain for almost 6 minutes by now. 

In panic I looked at my left feet and found it in mouth of massive Misha who delivered yet another forceful pull on my feet! 

My eyes met his gorgeously expressive honey-hessonite shade eyes!

A very clear message was stamped all over his face," Its 6.40 almost you lazy bum-------------come out of your Murga-Murgi dreams boss----------lets go out immediately or else, I am doing susu on the carpet---RIGHT NOW!"Angry 

Facebook wall : Salman Khan with Bigg Boss-9 Housemates

Thursday, 5 November 2015

Non stop Kheencha-taani & BiggBoss ki Naani

All housemates are in living hall and doing their khus-puss-khuss-puss with each other.
Rochelle signals Keith to get up and report to her for a hug. Tongue protruded, Keith lunges forward like a well-trained puppy and this results in a scream--------------from Mandana ofcourse -----------as she is firmly tied to Keith.

MANDANA: Ouchhh! Angry---------------------------You beast-----------------koi aadmi aise uthti hai kya?---------------------Ek dum se force waali jhatkee ke saath? ---------------Main Doggy--------Dog----wo------------Kutta ki tarah pull ho gaya---------------ouchh! Ohh Maa!!!Cry 

KEITH: Mandana-Mandana--- if I hurt you I am sorry Confused----but itni baar din mein-----aap achanak hi idhar udhar chal deti hain-----------without informing-warning me--------------Whether I want or don't want, mujhe aapke saath-saath jaana padta hai------------------maine kuchh bola kya kabhi?Shocked

MANDANA: Problem aapka nahin hai------wo aapka girlfriend ka brain----damaag----damaag kaam nahiin karti hai too often Ouch--------------unglee pe nachaata hai aap ko aapka girlfriend------------------and as we are tied to this bloody chain, uska ungli-----------------mujhko ho jaati hai us ka ungli Angry-------------------time and again!------Angry

ROCHELLE: Stop calling me Keith's girlfriend!-------- Sabko maloom hai mera ek naam hai aur wo hai Rochelle!Angry -------(Turns to Keith and says)----come mera baby----give momma a hug!Hug 

Keith instantly jerks forward and its yet another huge Ouchhh-hhh-hhh"o Mamaaa scream from Mandana!D'oh 

---------------------------------------------------BIGG BOSS DOPAHAR 13:30 Baje

BIGG BOSS (Voice Over): Rimi-----

RIMI SEN (Keeps examining her index finger's manicure perfection and nonchalantly says): Bhaunkiye!!!

BIGG BOSS (Coughs  & clears his throat): Bhaunkiye naheen--------------Kahiye kehte hain Rimi----Shocked

RIMI SEN (Shifts her attention to little finger nail now): Kehte doosre log hain---aap bhaunkte hi ho!Approve

BIGG BOSS (Upset voice): Rimi------------Bigg Boss chaahte hain ki aap fauran confession room mein aa jaayein!Confused

Rimi turns around towards Cam on top of Sink, hatred oozing out of eyes!

RIMI SEN: Jao, naheen aati! Angry------------------Nikaal do mujhe show se---mujhe naheen rehna hai yahaan waise bhi------------(Starts humming)-------Shik-dum-shik-dum-shik-dum-shik-dum-shik-dum-shik-dum!Dancing  

Those wanting to stay on right side of Bigg Boss and foolishly hoping they are the ones who will win the reduced prize money of 39 lacs approx., (geniuses like Suyyash, Prince, Kishwar that is),  literally fall down on her feet and beg her to go to the confession room! 
---------------A very reluctant Rimi drags her feet somehow to the confession room. Suyyash, Prince, Kishwar, Digangana hold Rimi's hands to ensure she doesn't change her mind till she reaches the confession room and Rimi's drag at every step is resembling that of a stubborn fat goat being dragged for Qurbaani on Bakr-Eid day!Ermm 


BIGG BOSS: Rimi----

RIMI SEN (Sounds irritated): Kya hai? Angry
Rimi is seen looking upwards and rotating her eyes left to right to left again, disinterested and with clear expressions of disgust on her face!

BIGG BOSS: Bigg Boss ko ye katayi pasand naheen hai ki aap har din,------------ ghar ke sadasyon se Bigg Boss ki buraayi karti hain---unka Niraadar karti hain---Shocked 

RIMI SEN: O Hello Mr. Niraadar!--------apni chaadar mein raho tum! Angry------------Main yahaan nahin aayi hoon kisi ka aadar-vaadar karne. -----------------Tumhara toh bilkul bhi naheen!Angry

Bigg Boss's horny eye is shown X-raying Rimi from top to bottom again and again, but there is clearly visible expression of pain there too.

BIGG BOSS (Sounding very frustrated now): Aakhir Samasya kya hai Rimi?Confused -----------------Aap Bigg Boss ke ghar mein hain aur Bigg Boss ka, ----------------un ke banaaye niyam-kanoon ka aadar karna aapka farz hai!Confused 

RIMI SEN: Samasya aap ho-----Bhagwaan kare band ho jaaye ye manhoos show----------------naheen karna mujhe aapka Aadar!-----------------Nikaal do mujhe baahar!-------Bag packed hi hai waise!----- Jaun??? Angry 

BIGG BOSS (A bit irritated): Rimi-----Itni hi nafrat hai Bigg Boss se aur Bigg Boss ke Niyam-Kanoon se, toh aap khud kyun naheen chali jaati show se? Disapprove 

RIMI SEN: O Hello!---------- Mujhe wo Prince-Suyyashh type paidal dimaag socha hai kya? Angry-------------- Khud jaungi toh wo nahin ho jaayega?? Wacko---

BIGG BOSS (Hopeful voice): Wo nahin ho jaayega? --------------Kya nahin ho jaayega Rimi? Blushing

RIMI SEN: Ladka nahin ho jaayega----mand buddhi! Angry-----------Arey Wo ho jaayega matlab---Breach----Breach of contract ho jaayega!----Mujhe naheen karna fine pay!-----Aap nikaalo mujhe---FAURAN! Angry 
BIGG BOSS (Devastated Voice): Rimi---aap jaa sakti hain!Confused  

RIMI SEN: Naheen poora bhaunk lo aaj aur abhi!----Armaan mat rakho dil mein! Angry-----Dobara nahin aaungi ab kabhi---naa show mein, naa is ghutan bhare, aapke is badboodar kamre mein! Evil Smile  

BIGG BOSS (Broken voice): Kahaa naa"(sob)-----Jaa sakti hain aap (Sob-sob) Cry

BIGG BOSS (Voice Over): Yahaan Rochelle garden area mein baithi hain, Keith ne apna sir unki godi mein rakha hua hai, aur Keith se bandhi hui Mandana,--------------- jhaadi ke paas baithi hui hain, kuchh naaraaz si----------------Ghutno ke bal!Tongue 

ROCHELLE (softly playing with Keith's hair): O Mera pyaara Baby----Darling stay tough!------------Ye sab jald hi khatam ho jaayega----Finale waala night pe Embarrassed----------"jab main first aur tum second prize win karenge jaan!Heart 

KEITH (murmurs his concurrence like an affectionate puppy)

MANDANA (Hatred blazing through eyes): O hello! Angry----Tum dono people ka Prem story finish hua toh can I go inside? ---Yahaan bahut mosquitos hain----mera elbow aur thighs pe kaat rahi hain and I can't go on taking these bites! Angry

ROCHELLE: Why are you so inconsiderate Mandana? Shocked---Keith mera boyfriend hai!---We need to be together sometime? Shocked

MANDANA: Sometimes? Sometimes?? Shocked ---Tum dono 2 O'Clock se baithi hai yahaan aur abhi 9.45 ho gayi raat ka!-------------------Day mein pigeons aur crows potty kiya mera oopar Dead----------------abhi Mosquitos bite kar rahi hai-------------Consideration My big left foot ---------------------I am going inside! Angry 

Mandana jerks up like someone devil possessed and such is the brute force of her jump, that stocky Keith still gets pulled up and roughly gets dragged muttering a painful growl of "Aaa-aaarghhh-ouchhh) Cry

Silky white hazy figures are shown sleeping in dim lights and only sound is steam engine snores of Arvind Vegda!

BIGG BOSS VOCE OVER: Yahaan Arvind apne bhayanak kharrate le rahe hain, but pichhle 2 hafton ke baad, -------------ab ghar ke sadasyon ko in khaaraaton ki aise hi aadat pad chuki hai, jaise Neta logon ko Jhooth bolne ki aur Voters ko un pe baar baar vishwaas karne ki! Wink------------------------------------Bigg Boss ke ghar mein aaj jahaan do sadasyon mein chalti rahi poore din kheenchaa-taani Tongue------------------toh koi aisa bhi hai------------jisne Bigg Boss ko hi yaad dila di--------------Unki barson pehle mar chuki Naani (Sob) Cry--------------Jhelte Rahiye ye Manhoos Programme-----------Biggg Baaas! DeadDeadDead