Shanivaar ki Haaye, Salman Sataaye--Episode Jo Naheen Dikhaya Gaya! :)

All have figured out by now that Salman Khan will not be taking on any Bigg Boss House contestant entirely on his own this year! 

Stung by last year’s Twitter trends like #UnfairSalman & #HirooAuntyNOTHINDUSTAN, Bigg Boss team have cleverly decided, that this year, Salman and then ex-contestants by turn, like Urvashi, Gauhar, Kamya, Andy etc. will be taking class of select targets one by one. 

As if that’s not enough, one by one, BB Team members will also pose as ‘Ordinary Telephone Callers’ and grill the errant housemates by turn. 

You just can’t trend #UnfairSalmanKamyaAndyGauharRamLalKameenaTelephonecaller you see! 

One such Saturday episode with couple of ex-contestants could not be aired because of it’s highly explosive contents and here are the excerpts:

SALMAN: Gautam ko shikaayat hai ki Soni ne us ko Gaali di hai--------Kya gaali di Gautam Soni ne aapko?

GAUTAM (Psycho Looks): Soni ne mujhe Ch--  bola Salman Sir.

SONI (Resembling Gareeb Makkhi on a Gulabjaamun): Hawww! Jhoote! --------------------Maine sirf bola Ch--  JAISI BAAT MAT KAR----Maine Ch--  naheen bola Salman Sir. 

SALMAN: Armaan---------

ARMAAN: Ji Salman Sir---------

SALMAN: Aap kya sochte ho? Kya Soni ne Gautam ko gaali di? 

ARMAAN: Naheen Di Salman Sir---Bholenaath  ki kasam, ----naheen di gaali!-----Ch--  bhi koi gaali hoti hai B- C? 

TANISHA: Ufffffff! ---Armaan kyun apni jubaan ko ganda karte ho? Ufffff! 

ARMAAN:  -----Aap meri Jagat Maata banne ki koshi mat karo!---Samjhi?------ Mat karo meri Jagat Maata Banne ki koshish. -------Har waqt bina matlab ki tyaaoon-tyoon, tyaaoon-tyoon mat karo!

TANISHA: Naheen ban rahi main aap ki Jagat Maata, gussa mat karo bas! ----Purse mein teen-Andon kaa Omelet laayin hoon, ------please khaa lena shoot ke baad. 

ARMAAN (Screams): ---Naheen khaunga!-----Chupp raho warna laafa doonga ulte haath kaa---------naak se rasp-berry bahegi---kya?? –RASP-BERRY!! 

SALMAN (Angry): Apni hudd mein raho Armaan!—Maafi mango Tanisha se fauran! 

ARMAAN (Immediately grabs hold of Tanisha’s left knee):Bholenath ki kasam -----jab tak maaf naheen karogi, naheen chhodunga aapka payr----maaf kar do mujhe Tanisha please---Bholenath ki kasam-----aaj ke baad kuchh naheen kahoonga---kahaan hai Omelet? Lao! 

A long pause & Salman is unable to control his hyena laugh! 

SALMAN: Hein-hein-hein-hein-hein-hein-hein-hein-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-hein- hein-hein-hein-hein-hein-hein-hein-hein-hein-hein-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha! 

SALMAN (to Big Boss editing incharge): Arey Raghav----episode footage mein bas, mere hansne se pehle waala portion rakhna. OK?

RAGHAV: Ji Sir! 

SALMAN: Armaan---

ARMAAN: Ji Salman Sir---

SALMAN: Arey kya Salman ke naam ke oopar Sir-Sir chipka raha hai mere yaar!---- Chal Dost, ------woh waala gaana gaate hain, jo hum har hafte, pee key Tunn hone ke baad, ---------ek saath zor zor se gaate hain-------------RAGHAV---ye gaana mat daal dena episode mein galti se!

RAGHAV: Please don't worry sir.------ Aap Armaan Sir ke saath gaana gaayiye. -----All this will not be shown ---Rest assured Sir! 

SALMAN: Saat ajoobe is duniyaa mein, Aathavin apni jodi

ARMAAN: Saat ajoobe is duniyaa mein, Aathavin apni jodi

Both: Arey tode se bhai toote naa ye,  Sallu-Armaan ki jodi

Ho M Ki - Ho B Ki!----Ho M Ki-------Ho B Ki!

Ho M Ki - Ho B Ki!----Ho M Ki-------Ho B Ki!

SALMAN: Saat ajoobe is duniyaa mein, aathavin apni jodi

Both: Arey tode se bhai toote naa ye Sallu-Armaan ki Jodi

Ho M Ki - Ho B Ki!----Ho M Ki-------Ho B Ki!

Ho M Ki - Ho B Ki!----Ho M Ki-------Ho B Ki!

  

SALMAN: Koi Tanisha ko chhede toh main boloon 

ARMAAN: Koi Andy ko maare, Uska Munh Todoon! 

 

SALMAN:Koi Tanisha ko chhede toh main boloon 

ARMAAN: Koi Andy ko maare, Uska Munh Todoon! 

SALMAN: Kya Gauhar aur kyaa Pratyusha? 

ARMAAN: Kya Andy, Sangram Ya Asif na 

Both: Arey Daanta sabko yaaron ne, Par yaar ki baanh na chhodi!

Ho M Ki - Ho B Ki!----Ho M Ki-------Ho B Ki!

Ho M Ki - Ho B Ki!----Ho M Ki-------Ho B Ki!

SALMAN:  Ye Elli hai yaa Resham ki dor hai?

ARMAAN:  Kitni Buddhu hai,  kitni Mazboor hai?

SALMAN: Ye Elli hai yaa Resham ki dor hai?

ARMAAN:  Kitni Buddhu hai,  kitni Mazboor hai?

SALMAN:  Dheela chhod naa Dena hans ke 

 ARMAAN: Rakhna dost lagaamein kas ke 

BOTH : Arey mushkil se kaaboo mein aaye, thodi dheel jo chhodi

Ho M Ki - Ho B Ki!----Ho M Ki-------Ho B Ki!

Ho M Ki - Ho B Ki!----Ho M Ki-------Ho B Ki!

SALMAN: Saat ajoobe is duniyaa mein, aathavin apni jodi 

ARMAAN: Arey tode se bhai toote naa ye Sallu-Armaan ki jodi

EMOTIONAL CHORUS:Aa aa aa, aaa-aaa-aaa!!! Aaa-Aaa-Aaa----- Aaa-Aaa-Aaa--- Aaa-Aaa-Aaa-- Aaa-Aaa-Aaa! 

SALMAN:  Saat ajoobe is duniyaa mein, Aathavin apni jodi 

ARMAAN: Saat ajoobe is duniyaa mein, Aathavin apni jodi

Both: Arey tode se bhi toote naa ye Sallu-Armaan ki jodi

Ho M Ki - Ho B Ki!----Ho M Ki-------Ho B Ki!

Ho M Ki - Ho B Ki!----Ho M Ki-------Ho B Ki!

 

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UP ABOVE ON KAILASH MOUNTAIN 

SHIVA: Kyun itni bechain prateet ho rahi ho Parvati? ------------Kya dhoondh rahi ho gufa ke andar? 

PARVATI (Angry as hell): Saari ka matching blouse naheen mil raha hai-------aaj jaan se maar doongi is dusht ko! 

SHIVA: Kis dusht ko Parvati?----------------Taarkasur jaise rakshashon ka sanhaar kiye toh sadiyaan beet gayi hain. -------------------Ab aisa kaun sa asur hai, jisne aapko itna  krodhit kar diya hai Priye? 

PARVATI (Hatred blazing out of eyes): Armaan Kohli hai wo dusht!—------Baat baat par aapki jhooti kasam khaata hai!--------Aaj naheen chhodungi!---Ufffff ye Ganesh bhi naa-----------------ladduon ke laalach mein sab cheezein idhar udhar kar deta hai-----kahaan gaya blouse?? 

SHIVA (Smiling): Anaavashyak krodh aapko shobha naheen deta Parvati! -----------------Aaj ke Kaliyug mein jab manushya Ishwar ka naam lena bhool chukka hai,-------- koi toh hai Prithvi par jo YoYo Honey Singh aur Sunny Leone ki jagah Mera, ya Narayan ka naam le raha hai? ------------------Krodh ko tilanjali do aur gehan dhyaan mein chitt lagao Parvati! 

PARVATI (Reluctantly): Ufffffffff-----aap bhi naa-------accha theek hai!--------- (And sits down to meditate, calmness descending on her angry face)

Bigg Boss ka Chidiya Ka Ghonsla aur Holiday Episode!

BIGG BOSS

SUBAH 8.00 BAJE

"Bachna Aye Haseeno, Lo Main Aa Gaya"...blare the Bigg Boss House speakers and usual suspects, Sushant, Diandra, Karishma etc. are seen pretending they are as active when they wake up at their homes as well. Seen dancing furiously to attract morning time Cam attention.

Puneet and party realize they are missing out on this 8 A.M. assured TV time and unleash their own Maniacal Taandav dance frenzy!

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BIGG BOSS

SUBAH 10.30 BAJE

BIGG BOSS (Voice Over): Swimming pool ke paas lawn area mein Minissha baithi hui hain, aur hamesha ki tarah unka munh, poora khula hua hai!

Minissha is shown executing yet another never ending yawn of her's.  Camera zooms to a Sparrow nearby who appears visibly confused.

Sparrow gets convinced the open space is just perfect for her to grab as her nest and lay eggs inside and makes a dash for it. 

Minissha manages to close her open yawn just in the nick of time and Sparrow's determined dash ends at her lips! 

Minissha screams aloud and a more scared sparrow flutters & flies away with it's nervous shrieks of "Cheen-Cheen-Cheen-Cheen!"

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BIGG BOSS

DOPAHAR 3.30 BAJE (Lawn Area):

BIGG BOSS (Voice Over): Yahaan Minissha ghar ke kuchh sadasyon ko subah hue haadse ke bare mein bata rahi hain, jab ek Goraiyya (Sparrow), unke munh mein pravesh karne mein lag-bhag kaamyaab ho hi gayi thhi!

MINISSHA: No Diandra, ---Kassam se------this little sparrow, ----wo chidiya---------swim karte hue aayi------aur nearly mere munh mein ghus gayi!

DIANDRA (Unleashes her Hyena laugh): Aaan-haan-haan-haan-haan-haan!-----Sparrow swim naheen karta Minishha----FLY KARTA hai baby--- Aaan-haan-haan-haan-haan--! 

MINISSHA (Eyes popping out, mouth wide open): Wo swim strokes maarte hue aayi thhi--------perfect breast strokes------------it was swimming in air, I swear!---Wo swim kar rahi thhi hawe mein!

DIANDRA: Hawe mein naheen, Hawa mein, Aaan-haan-haan-haan-haan-haan! 

A little distance away the same sparrow observes Minissha's wide open mouth. The sparrow giggles at itself in embarrassment and flies away muttering,"Huttt Paagal,---not again--- hehehehe"! 

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BIGG BOSS

SHAAM 08.30 BAJE (Kitchen Area):

UPEN PATEL (Angry accented voice, as if Sangakkara & Shoaib Akhtar have dubbed for him together): Kitne gandi thoats---kitne gandi achaar----sorry---Veechaar  hai aap loag ki--------Chhee---Chhee! ----------------Mein sirf Diandra ka godi mein baith gayi,------ toh aap logon ne itni gandi-gandi mazaak uraayi meri----Shame on you all! 

KARISHMA TANNA (Nasal Kaayein-Kaayein): Areiyn mangar aanp Diandra ki gondi mein bainthe kyoon?----Ainse kaun bainthta hai kisi ki gondi mein? 

UPEN PATEL (Angrier): Diandra beel-kool deetto -----------mera Step-sister ka jaisa hai--------------------------------I  mean mera step-sis resembles Diandra on every Holliday!----------------------Dus saal se meine Step sis se baat neyin kiya------------------when I sow Diandra, -------------------mujhe laga mera Holliday waala sis aayi waaapas--------aur mein kood ke godi mein baith gaya uski-------------magar aap logon ka soch?---Chheee---Geen aata hai mooje---Geen aata hai!

GAUTAM (Psycho looks):  O hello! --------Aisi kaun si sister hai jo sirf Holiday---Matlab Chhuti ke din Diandra jaisi dikhti hai? ----Shendi mat lagao bhaai!-----Aur baap, tune bola thha Soni bhi step-sister jaisi hai----wo toh teri godi mein baithti thhi bhaai.---Diandra ki godi mein tu kyun baitha? -

KARISHMA TANNA (Nasal Kaayein-Kaayein resumes): Haan---Whaain Dinffrent-Dinffrent  yard-stinks? ---------Diandra ko bheen Soni ki taranh, Gondi mein kyun naheen binthaaya? ------Haan?

UPEN PATEL: Paagal hey tum log---Holliday------Holliday------Matlab Festival Holli waala deen--------------Jismein sab log ek doosra ka moonh ko Laal-Peela-Neela-Kaala karte hain! ---------------Hair-------Baal---Baal ko rang daalte hain---my step sis used to exactly resemble Diandra every Holliday---Just Holli ka deen I mean!-------Aur mein Soni ko godi mein beethaya because wo patla-dubla lerki hai------------I am not dumb like you guys!---------------Patla Lerki ko godi mein bithata hoon------Mota-Strong Lerki ka godi mein baith jaata hoon!-------Diandra ko apna godi mein beetha ke main apna godi torunga kya?---------------Bloody Fools-------Buddu Log! 

KARISHMA TANNA (Loses her top) : Upen aanp Bud-dhoon---aapka khaandaan Bud-dhoon! 

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BIG BOSS

RAAT 12.30 BAJE

BIGG BOSS (Voice Over): Bigg Boss Ke ghar mein, aaj jahaan Minissha Lamba ka munh  Chidiya Ka Ghonsla bante-bante reh gaya, --------toh waheen ghar waalo ko maaloom hua ek aur chacheri behan ke baare mein aaj!--

---Aane waale dino mein, zaroor dikhenge kuchh naye Andaaz!----------

Philhaal toh bas--------

JHELTE RAHIYE YE MANHOOS PROGRAMME----BIGGG BAAS!  

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