Shanivaar ki Haaye, Salman Sataaye--Episode Jo Naheen Dikhaya Gaya! :)

All have figured out by now that Salman Khan will not be taking on any Bigg Boss House contestant entirely on his own this year! 

Stung by last year’s Twitter trends like #UnfairSalman & #HirooAuntyNOTHINDUSTAN, Bigg Boss team have cleverly decided, that this year, Salman and then ex-contestants by turn, like Urvashi, Gauhar, Kamya, Andy etc. will be taking class of select targets one by one. 

As if that’s not enough, one by one, BB Team members will also pose as ‘Ordinary Telephone Callers’ and grill the errant housemates by turn. 

You just can’t trend #UnfairSalmanKamyaAndyGauharRamLalKameenaTelephonecaller you see! 

One such Saturday episode with couple of ex-contestants could not be aired because of it’s highly explosive contents and here are the excerpts:

SALMAN: Gautam ko shikaayat hai ki Soni ne us ko Gaali di hai--------Kya gaali di Gautam Soni ne aapko?

GAUTAM (Psycho Looks): Soni ne mujhe Ch--  bola Salman Sir.

SONI (Resembling Gareeb Makkhi on a Gulabjaamun): Hawww! Jhoote! --------------------Maine sirf bola Ch--  JAISI BAAT MAT KAR----Maine Ch--  naheen bola Salman Sir. 

SALMAN: Armaan---------

ARMAAN: Ji Salman Sir---------

SALMAN: Aap kya sochte ho? Kya Soni ne Gautam ko gaali di? 

ARMAAN: Naheen Di Salman Sir---Bholenaath  ki kasam, ----naheen di gaali!-----Ch--  bhi koi gaali hoti hai B- C? 

TANISHA: Ufffffff! ---Armaan kyun apni jubaan ko ganda karte ho? Ufffff! 

ARMAAN:  -----Aap meri Jagat Maata banne ki koshi mat karo!---Samjhi?------ Mat karo meri Jagat Maata Banne ki koshish. -------Har waqt bina matlab ki tyaaoon-tyoon, tyaaoon-tyoon mat karo!

TANISHA: Naheen ban rahi main aap ki Jagat Maata, gussa mat karo bas! ----Purse mein teen-Andon kaa Omelet laayin hoon, ------please khaa lena shoot ke baad. 

ARMAAN (Screams): ---Naheen khaunga!-----Chupp raho warna laafa doonga ulte haath kaa---------naak se rasp-berry bahegi---kya?? –RASP-BERRY!! 

SALMAN (Angry): Apni hudd mein raho Armaan!—Maafi mango Tanisha se fauran! 

ARMAAN (Immediately grabs hold of Tanisha’s left knee):Bholenath ki kasam -----jab tak maaf naheen karogi, naheen chhodunga aapka payr----maaf kar do mujhe Tanisha please---Bholenath ki kasam-----aaj ke baad kuchh naheen kahoonga---kahaan hai Omelet? Lao! 

A long pause & Salman is unable to control his hyena laugh! 

SALMAN: Hein-hein-hein-hein-hein-hein-hein-hein-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-hein- hein-hein-hein-hein-hein-hein-hein-hein-hein-hein-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha! 

SALMAN (to Big Boss editing incharge): Arey Raghav----episode footage mein bas, mere hansne se pehle waala portion rakhna. OK?

RAGHAV: Ji Sir! 

SALMAN: Armaan---

ARMAAN: Ji Salman Sir---

SALMAN: Arey kya Salman ke naam ke oopar Sir-Sir chipka raha hai mere yaar!---- Chal Dost, ------woh waala gaana gaate hain, jo hum har hafte, pee key Tunn hone ke baad, ---------ek saath zor zor se gaate hain-------------RAGHAV---ye gaana mat daal dena episode mein galti se!

RAGHAV: Please don't worry sir.------ Aap Armaan Sir ke saath gaana gaayiye. -----All this will not be shown ---Rest assured Sir! 

SALMAN: Saat ajoobe is duniyaa mein, Aathavin apni jodi

ARMAAN: Saat ajoobe is duniyaa mein, Aathavin apni jodi

Both: Arey tode se bhai toote naa ye,  Sallu-Armaan ki jodi

Ho M Ki - Ho B Ki!----Ho M Ki-------Ho B Ki!

Ho M Ki - Ho B Ki!----Ho M Ki-------Ho B Ki!

SALMAN: Saat ajoobe is duniyaa mein, aathavin apni jodi

Both: Arey tode se bhai toote naa ye Sallu-Armaan ki Jodi

Ho M Ki - Ho B Ki!----Ho M Ki-------Ho B Ki!

Ho M Ki - Ho B Ki!----Ho M Ki-------Ho B Ki!

  

SALMAN: Koi Tanisha ko chhede toh main boloon 

ARMAAN: Koi Andy ko maare, Uska Munh Todoon! 

 

SALMAN:Koi Tanisha ko chhede toh main boloon 

ARMAAN: Koi Andy ko maare, Uska Munh Todoon! 

SALMAN: Kya Gauhar aur kyaa Pratyusha? 

ARMAAN: Kya Andy, Sangram Ya Asif na 

Both: Arey Daanta sabko yaaron ne, Par yaar ki baanh na chhodi!

Ho M Ki - Ho B Ki!----Ho M Ki-------Ho B Ki!

Ho M Ki - Ho B Ki!----Ho M Ki-------Ho B Ki!

SALMAN:  Ye Elli hai yaa Resham ki dor hai?

ARMAAN:  Kitni Buddhu hai,  kitni Mazboor hai?

SALMAN: Ye Elli hai yaa Resham ki dor hai?

ARMAAN:  Kitni Buddhu hai,  kitni Mazboor hai?

SALMAN:  Dheela chhod naa Dena hans ke 

 ARMAAN: Rakhna dost lagaamein kas ke 

BOTH : Arey mushkil se kaaboo mein aaye, thodi dheel jo chhodi

Ho M Ki - Ho B Ki!----Ho M Ki-------Ho B Ki!

Ho M Ki - Ho B Ki!----Ho M Ki-------Ho B Ki!

SALMAN: Saat ajoobe is duniyaa mein, aathavin apni jodi 

ARMAAN: Arey tode se bhai toote naa ye Sallu-Armaan ki jodi

EMOTIONAL CHORUS:Aa aa aa, aaa-aaa-aaa!!! Aaa-Aaa-Aaa----- Aaa-Aaa-Aaa--- Aaa-Aaa-Aaa-- Aaa-Aaa-Aaa! 

SALMAN:  Saat ajoobe is duniyaa mein, Aathavin apni jodi 

ARMAAN: Saat ajoobe is duniyaa mein, Aathavin apni jodi

Both: Arey tode se bhi toote naa ye Sallu-Armaan ki jodi

Ho M Ki - Ho B Ki!----Ho M Ki-------Ho B Ki!

Ho M Ki - Ho B Ki!----Ho M Ki-------Ho B Ki!

 

 ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

UP ABOVE ON KAILASH MOUNTAIN 

SHIVA: Kyun itni bechain prateet ho rahi ho Parvati? ------------Kya dhoondh rahi ho gufa ke andar? 

PARVATI (Angry as hell): Saari ka matching blouse naheen mil raha hai-------aaj jaan se maar doongi is dusht ko! 

SHIVA: Kis dusht ko Parvati?----------------Taarkasur jaise rakshashon ka sanhaar kiye toh sadiyaan beet gayi hain. -------------------Ab aisa kaun sa asur hai, jisne aapko itna  krodhit kar diya hai Priye? 

PARVATI (Hatred blazing out of eyes): Armaan Kohli hai wo dusht!—------Baat baat par aapki jhooti kasam khaata hai!--------Aaj naheen chhodungi!---Ufffff ye Ganesh bhi naa-----------------ladduon ke laalach mein sab cheezein idhar udhar kar deta hai-----kahaan gaya blouse?? 

SHIVA (Smiling): Anaavashyak krodh aapko shobha naheen deta Parvati! -----------------Aaj ke Kaliyug mein jab manushya Ishwar ka naam lena bhool chukka hai,-------- koi toh hai Prithvi par jo YoYo Honey Singh aur Sunny Leone ki jagah Mera, ya Narayan ka naam le raha hai? ------------------Krodh ko tilanjali do aur gehan dhyaan mein chitt lagao Parvati! 

PARVATI (Reluctantly): Ufffffffff-----aap bhi naa-------accha theek hai!--------- (And sits down to meditate, calmness descending on her angry face)