Who Called Salman, Late At Night?

Night time 02.15 A.M.

Drunk Salman has been barely sleeping for some 20 minutes and just beginning to snore.
His Mobile comes to life, huge shriek of ring tone, in the dead of night, "Teri Meri Prem Kahaani Mushqil Hai---Do Lafzo Mein Ye Bayaan Naa Ho Paaye!-----" 

Quite a few times Salman pushes the phone under the Pillow, tries shutting off his ears with two index fingers, does 2-3 MC / BCs, but to no avail. It is as if Raahat Fateh Ali Khan has taken an oath to ruin his sleep tonight!

Unable to bear the torture, Salman picks up the phone when it rings, the 7^th time!

SALMAN (Drunk Voice): Kaun hai be Kameene? Nikloon kya Tere phone ke andar se? Doon kya? Doon kya ek kaan ke neeche??

SANJAY DUTT (Clearly, lot more drunk than Sallu): Aaa! Aaa! --------Its meee Sallu! Aye Sallu----Zubaan ko ganda naheen karte! Moojhe maaloom thha, tu soya naheen hoyega abhi!

SALMAN (Still Sounding angry but controlling himself): Oh! F&*^! Aap ho Sanju BABA?

SANJAY DUTT: Hey-Hey-Hey! Hey! Naheen, Sanju BABA naheen hoon, Main BABA Ram Dev hoon! Anoolom-Veeelom seekhta hai kya? Hain? Hey-hey-hey-hey!

SALMAN (Dead sleepy voice): Kya yaar Baba? Poori bottle utaar di aapne. Kyun phone kar rahe ho raat ko 3 baje Baba?

SANJAY DUTT (Drunk's full of love voice): Arey Sallu, Tu Bhaai hai Mera. BHAAI! Jab mann chaahe, tere ko phone laga sakta hoon main, Laga sakta hoon ki naheen? BOL? BOL? Abey So gaya kya??  TU SO GAYA KYA SALMAN? ABEY BOL NAA?

SALMAN (Resigned Sigh-stammers): Hain? ---Haan-------- Mmm-----Laga sakte ho Baba. Aap toh kisi ki bhi laga sakte ho! Bolo Baba? Jail se bol rahe ho kya?

SANJAY DUTT (Hesitates): Arey Heendoostaan mein Jail se Bail aur kaheen ke liye bhi Rail, meelne mein taaim lagta hai kya? Hain??----------------- Accha Sun. Mere ko ek solllid----doubt aaya hai! -----------Bole toh, Is baar bhi Big Boss se phone naheen aaya yaar mujhko. Koi khaas baat hai kya? Aye Bol naa!!!

SALMAN: Maloom naheen Baba!

SANJAY DUTT: Arey kaise maloom naheen? Poochh naa yaar Big Boss se? Dono Bhaai logon ne kitna mast dhamaal kiya thha naa Big Boss-5 mein peeechhle se peechhle saal? ------------Hey-Hey-Hey-Hey!---------Five-Five! Five-Five! Five-Five!  Hain? --------------Sallu?------ABEY SO GAYA KYA? TU SO GAYA KYA  SALLU?

SALMAN: Naheen Baba, sun raha hoon. Maloom naheen Sanju Baba!

SANJAY DUTT: Arey kya maloom naheen? (Pause)---Sallu, Aye Sallu---

SALMAN: ooon?

SANJAY DUTT: Ye Bakri ki tarah ooon-aaan mat kar tu abhi.--------- Tu mere se baat kar abhi. Naheen-----------Sallu-----Tu Big Boss se mere bare mein baat kar na------------apne bade bhaai ke bare mein baat kar naa yaar?

SALMAN: Hmmm! Kal karta hoon Baba!

SANJAY DUTT (Hesistates): Naheen, aise Daairektly mat karna baat.------- Cheap lagega, naheen? ------------Tu ek kaam karna. Big Boss paas mein ho, toh gaana--- zor se gaane ka------------Tumse Meelne Ko Deel Karta Hai Re BABA, Tumse Meelne Ko Deel Karta Hai Re BABA!---------------Jeetnee baari BABA bole, zor se cheeellaane ka!---Big Boss BABA word soontey hi samajh jaayega that show is missing me yaar! Hey-Hey-Hey-Hey!

SALMAN: Theek Hai Sanju Baba, good idea.----Abhi So jao-----good night!

SANJAY DUTT: ---Arrey Good Night ki Maa Ki Aaankh. -------Yaad hai? yaad hai? Peechhle se peechhle Season mein kaise bolta thha main---------EVERY SATURDAY YAAR-------,"Joohi Jee----(SMILING PAUSE), Acchhi Lag rahi hain aap!", hey-hey-hey-hey------ I miss those days yaar!

SALMAN: Hmmm

SANJAY DUTT: Hmmm KYA?? ------ Abey So gaya kya??  TU SO GAYA KYA SALMAN? ABEY BOL NAA?

SALMAN (Dead Sleepy Voice): Naheen! Woh Jo aap bole naa Season-5 mein-----Ki Juhi Ji acchhi lag rahi hain aap? --------------Wo logon ko pasand naheen aaya Baba. -------------Sabne Twitter, Facebook, Big Boss ke SMS number pe aapko aur Big Boss ko bahut gandi-gandi gaali di Baba. --------------Bola Baba ka dimaag aur aankhein dono kharaab hain, Juhi aur acchhi? Lag hi naheen sakti kabhi! Huttt-ttt---ttt!   



SANJAY DUTT (Sounding Embarrassed): Sorry Sorry Sallu. Galtee se Mishtake ho gayi Bhaai. Is baar saala main keesi ke liye naheen bolunga woh acchhi lag rahi hai!------- Tu So gaya kya??  Aye Sallu, TU SO GAYA KYA?

SALMAN: Ummm. Naheen.

SANJAY DUTT (Remorseful voice): Tu Big Boss ko bol, is baar Sanju Baba Mannooo ko bhi naheen bolenge acchhi lag rahi hai tu!

SALMAN (Startled voice): Mannooo?? Aap Congress ke Abhishek  Manu Singhvi ko jaante ho kya?

SANJAY DUTT (Irritated): Arey Seenghvee ki Bhains ki Aankh! Mannooo Bole toh, Mannooo-----Manyata yaar---Teri Bhabhi!---------- Ok, tu Mere baare mein baat karega na Sallu, Gode Promees?

SALMAN: God Promise Baba, Pakka Karoonga.

SANJAY DUTT: Hey-Hey-Hey-Hey! I know! Being Human, you will note be Inhuman!

SALMAN: Yeah I won't be! Good night Baba!

SANJAY DUTT: Muuuaaahhh! Love you maai Younger bro! Love you! Good Night!
(BOTH DISCONNECT).

NIGHT 02.42 A.M.

It is Sallu's bed room-and ONCE AGAIN, there is a huge shriek of ghastly ringtone  in the dead of night, "Teri Meri Prem Kahaani Mushqil Hai---Do Lafzon Mein Ye Bayaan Naa Ho Paaye!-----!"  Sallu picks up the phone in irritation.

SALMAN: -Ufffo Sanju Baba, bola naa baat karunga Big Boss se----

SANJAY DUTT (trying female voice): Main Sanju Baba naheen------Aishwarya bol rahi hoon Salman---hey-hey-hey-hey! I steel love you Jaan.------Toomhaari yaad mein ek ek pal, kaise kaat rahee hoon, main hi jaanti hoon Salmaan, Meri Jaan-----------hey-hey-hey-hey!------------ Big Boss se Sanju Baba ke bare mein Baat zaroor karna haan?--------------- Ok, bye, bye-----Abhishek coming haan! ---Dooniyadaari toh neebhaani hi padegi naa Jaan?------------------Good Night haan, ---Mees You---Kees You----------bye, bye, bye, bye--muaaahhh!