UNDEKHA ACTION: Weekend Ki Haaye, Salman Sataaye EXCERPTS!

(Report on some excerpts being shot for Weekend Ki Haaye, Salman Sataaye Episode-Fun Take......just for a few smiles):

A long boring promotion of a just released movie is being shot first. 

It is so obvious from their facial reactions that neither Salman believes the movie has any chance at Box Office, nor the lead Stars of movie, now sharing stage with Salman! 

All three seem thoroughly disinterested throughout the torture.

Their agony reaches a crescendo when Salman asks them about Big Boss and its contestants. Both parties start parroting the scripted lines, discomfort writ large on their faces, barely concealed behind fake smiles.

SALMAN: Abhi abhi Box office reports aayi hain aur inki film, Jungle Mein Mangal, Super Hit Hai!

Lead actors, both male and female, without losing their sad expressions, do some Wooo-hooo-Woo-hooo amidst canned applause & whistles.

SALMAN: Toh Mr. Hero,….Aap Big Boss dekhte hain?

HERO (squirms with discomfort as he lies): Salman Ji, Big Boss mera favourite show hai aur chaahe jo jo jaaye, ------main is ka koi bhi episode kabhi miss naheen karta!  

SALMAN (looks around  with a sudden head tilt–eyes sparkling & mischievous smile in place): Waah---Waaaah! Inke liye zordaar taaliyaan!!---------------------------(Softly mutters under his breath--)—Kameena! Jhoota Saala!

Thunderous Canned Applause!

SALMAN (to female lead actor): Big Boss ke ghar mein, aapko sabse jyaada kaun pasand hain aur kyun?

HEROINE (rolls her eyes upwards): Ummm. -------Big Boss mein mujhe Mehak Chahal pasand hain actually. -----Saaf saaf baatein karti hain aur diplomatic bilkul bhi naheen hain.

SALMAN (Angry as hell): Hutttttttt! -------------Kisi ko bhi le aate hain ye COLORS waale chaar paison ke liye. ----(Folds his hands and turns emotional)-----Arey Meri Maa----- Mehak Chahal yahaan thhi do saal pehle------Homework karna thha naa aane se pehle?

Heroine of Jungle Mein Mangal apologises and they reshoot the whole scene once again.

Somehow they complete shooting of movie promotion torture bit.

*******************************************************

Here is an excerpt from what happened when Salman interacted with Big Boss House contestants.

SALMAN: --Toh Ab---Main Jaa rahaa hoon----Big Boss ke ghar ke andar----V-TV ke through…..

Salman rides his invisible horse & rocks back and forth as he moves a bit forward, amidst 

Canned applause & whistles and BB Housemates come alive on giant screen.

There we see them!

Holding their fencing and appearing like sad Caged zoo animals------Apurva, Elli, Andy, Kamya, Pratyusha.

Camera jerks down by 3 feet and disheveled face of Ratan comes on screen for 3 seconds.

Thereafter the Jannat shot, where Rajat Rawail is sitting on one sofa and rest of the Jannat chaps are sharing the only other Sofa in living hall area!

SALMAN (Smiles-pauses-tilts his head towards left and):  Acche lag rahe ho sab log.

Girls, Andy and Apurva do a woo-hooooo, woo-hooooo! -------All guys only clap.  

SALMAN (turns Serious): Sangram—

SANGRAM: Yuss Sir?

SALMAN (Serious, flat voice):-- Sangram! Aapne Elli ko bola, --------Ki Daily  ye line yaad karo ----ki Salman Ji aur Sangram ke alaawa sab mard mere bhaai hain?

All laugh, including Elli, who laughs loudest. But even when laughing, Elli has ‘What did he say’ expression stamped all over her pretty face!

SANGRAM (Proudly smiling): Jee Salman Ji.

SALMAN (Angry  shout): Kyun bola ye?

SANGRAM (scared, low voice): SORI Salmaan Ji-----Galti se Mishtake ho gayi Sir Ji. SORI

 

SALMAN (Angrier): Kya tumko itni bhi akal naheen hai,------ ki Elli hamein pasand hai?---------- Apna naam saath mein ghusaane ki zurrat kaise ki tumne Sangraam? 

SANGRAM (Kaato toh khoon naheen state-----touches both his ears and): SORI Salmaan Ji. -------Ghani galtee ho gayi Sir. ---------------------Kasam Payal  Rohtagggi ki, actually mein aapko toh apne se bhi jyadda chhahta hoon main Sir Ji  -----aagge se kabbhi naa bolun aissi gandi baat Sir Ji.---------------Aur Je bolun, toh mera Sir aur aapka juttaa! ---------------------Baayi  Gode ki kasam Jutte se peet leeyo Sir Ji ------I am SORI Sir ji.

SALMAN (breaks into his hyena laugh): Hein-hein-hein-hein-hein-hein -Haan! --- Hein-hein-hein-hein-hein-hein -Haan! --------------Abey mazaak kar raha hoon. Accha laga jo aapne bola. ----------Darshakon ne kaafi pasand kiya hai be!

SANGRAM (becomes peppy once again): Salman Ji, Main toh Elli ko hamesha bollun hoon----Jaissa khaogi Annnnn---Waisa ho jaauga Mannnn!-------Jaissa peeyogi Paanni---- waissi ho jaaugi Vaanni------Jaissi rakhhogi sangatttt---- waissi ho jaaugi Rangatttt!  

 

 
SALMAN (Non stop hyena laugh):  Hein-hein-hein-hein-hein-hein -Haan! Hein-hein-hein-hein-hein-hein -Haan! --------- Abey bas kar! –Bas kar be!!-----Hansaa hansaa ke maarega kya? ---- Hein-hein-hein-hein-hein-hein -Haan!

All other in house also are seen laughing, clear from their faces they do not find anything funny in all this. Only Kamya seems genuinely laughing. Kamya is the only true professional actor in the whole lot you see.

SALMAN (wipes his khushi ke aansoo): Sangram koi joke aata hai tumko?

SANGRAM: Haan Sir Ji.  --------------Do chuhiya ek taalaabbb ke kinaare rehti thhi Sir Ji. -----Roz-roz ---ekk Haathhi aatta thha wahaan,---- nahaanne-dhonne ke liye. ---------------Chuhiyon ne haathh jodde, prarthana ki, ----ki Hatthhi bhaai, Haathhi Bhhai, ------yahaan hum rehti hain, ----aap taalabbb ke doosri ore nahaa lo, dho lo!------Par Hathhi  Ghana ghamandi thha Ji! ---------Ek naa suni usne  bichaari chuhiyon ki Ji!-------- Akad ke bolya unse,----- ki roz nahaunga---- idhar hi nahaunga----------ukhaad lo jo ukhaad sakti ho!------------Agle din Hathhi ke aanne se pehle, -----Donno ki donno chuhiyaan, ped pe chadh gayi sir ji!--------Jyun hi Hathhi paas aaya, -----ek chuhiya Hathhi ki peeth pe kood gayi Ji! --------------------Aur doosri chillayi--------KUCHAL DE SAALE KO, YOHI MAUKKA HAI---KUCHHAL DE SUSRE KO AAJ, BACCHNE NAA PAAYE YO GHAMANDI HATHHI AAJ!

SALMAN (arrogant smile, tilt of head to left): Hunhh! Purana joke hai Sangram! Kuchh Maza naheen aaya!

SANGRAM: Sir Ji poori baat naa sunni aapnne Ji!-----Wo Hatthi thha humaara Mittar Rajat Rawail! -----------Aur wo Chuhiyaan thhi, Prattyushha aur Rattan Raajpoot!---Prattyushha kuddi thhi Hathhi Rajjat ki peeth pe------------- hore Rattan Chillayi thhi kuchhal de saale ko!

SALMAN:  Hein-hein-hein-hein-hein-hein -Haan! Hein-hein-hein-hein-hein-hein -Haan! - Hein-hein-hein-hein-hein-hein -Haan! Hein-hein-hein-hein-hein-hein -Haan! - Hein-hein-hein-hein-hein-hein -Haan! Hein-hein-hein-hein-hein-hein -Haan! -------(Falls down laughing)