Tuesday 25 December 2012

Big Boss ka Ek Aur Secret Task (Fun-Opsis)

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Fun-Opsis Another Secret Task

SUBAH 10.15 Baje

Big Boss: Rajeev--------------Big Boss chaahte hain ki aap ek khufiyaa kaarya karein---

RAJEEV: Jee Big Boss!Smile

BIG BOSS: Rajeev, aapke saamne table par,ek machine padi hai. Is machine ke zariye, Big Boss aapse lagaatar sampark mein rahenge. Jaise hi Big Boss aapko koi bhi aadesh denge, aapko woh poora karna hoga! Theek hai?

RAJEEV: Ji Big Boss.Wink

BIG BOSS: Rajeev, aap kis tarah ke ishaare se zaahir karenge ki aapne Big Boss ke aadesh ko poori tarah sun liya hai?

RAJEEV: Big Boss main apni naak ko sehlaaunga!Shocked

BIG BOSS: Naheen Rajeev. Urvashi fauran samajh jaayengi. Confused

RAJEEV: Big Boss main apne bums khujlaane lagoonga!Disapprove

BIG BOSS: Naheen. TV par bhadda lagega! Dead

RAJEEV: Theek hai Big Boss, main aapka aadesh milte hi apne boobs hilaunga. Aise-----
(Shakes his chest vigorously)



DOPAHAR  2.15 BAJE

BIG BOSS (in Rajeev's ears): Rajeev, Bakhtiyaar ne Statue task ke dauraan jo aapki be-zzati ki thhi, Delnaaz se uska Hisaab chukaane ka waqt aa gaya hai  shaayad!Wink

Rajeev acknowledges having heard the instructions, and vigorously shakes his chest like a cheap Turkish Belly dancer! Approaches Delu who is busy preparing Aloo Maggi in kitchen



RAJEEV: Delu mujhe aapse ek baat kehni thhi---Embarrassed

DELU (disninterested voice): hoon?

RAJEEV: Us din Bakhtiyaar aaya thha, ---Main saaf saaf kehna chaahta hoon ki usne jo bad-tameezi ki uske liye main usko kabhi maaf naheen kar sakta----

DELNAAZ (Shivering with anger): AngryTum Bakhtiyaar ko kya maaf naheen karoge? Woh tumko SAAF kar dega!...Chooha chala Saand se takkar lene------hunhhh--------Angry

RAJEEV: ShockedDelu ye galat baat hai! Maine toh kabhi naheen kaha aap khargosh ho ya ----

DELNAAZ: AngryKhargosh? -----------Tumne phir mere daanton ki taraf ishaara kiya? Kheench ke maaroongi, chhatpataate hue giroge neeche! Bad-tameez Insaan! Agar main tumko koi galat baat naheen keh rahi, toh sirf is wazah se ki Mere Baap ne mujhe Tameez sikkhhhaayi hai!----Ye mere baap ki bad-kismati hai, ki tum jaisa begairat, uska Jamaayi hai'''.



RAJEEV: Jamaayi thha Delu, I  WAS his Son-in-Law!Cry  



DELNAAZ: AngryThha! And thank God for that! Bakhtiyaar ne bola tum ne koshish naheen ki apni shaadi bachane ki, toh kya galat bola? Bakhtiyaar ne bola tum doosri ladkiyon se chipke rehte ho, toh kya galat bola--------------------(comes near and plucks out a few hair from his T-shirt)---Ye lambe 4 baal Sana ke hain, ye rookha sookha baal ka gucchha Aashka ka hai------------Ye chhote auburn baal Urvashi ke aur ye peele-brown baal ---(pause)---Imam? Tum Imam se bhi chipakne lage ho----cchhheee!!!!------DOON EK ULTE HAATH KA JHAAPAD???Angry  



RAJEEV (Starts sobbing): Tum hamesha mujhe galat samajhti ho. Chaar baar main 2010 mein aaya, 3 baar 2011 mein. Imam ko main maarne ke liye dauda thha, choomne ke liye naheen------Cry

SHAAM 07.30 BAJE:

BIG BOSS (in Rajeev's ears): Rajeev! Aaj din mein aap apne khufiya task mein poori tarah naakaam rahe hain! Lekin Big Boss aapko ek mauka aur dena chaahte hain. ---Aaapko Imam ko apni baahon mein lena hai aur unke sacche dost ki tarah, unke kandhe pe sir rakh ke zor zor se Rona hai!

Rajeev has a look of panic on his face but he quickly nods his approval by vigorously shaking his 'boobs' again!LOL  



In lawn area, Rajeev pounces on Imam, hugs him and starts sobbing on Imam's shoulders.

IMAM (recoils in horror): O hello Rajeev Bhaiyya---hato-hato---door hato.----chhheee---gande insaan------Main koi aisa vaisa naheen hoon haan, ----chhee---door hato!Angry Even Salman Bhai ko I told I hate your cleavage. Door hato aur tameez ke paayjaame mein dono payr daalo apne, fauran----------naheen toh woh haal karoonga ki zindagi bhar rone ke liye kandhe dhoondoge-----huttt!Dead

RAJEEV: Imam bhai, please---ConfusedCry

IMAM: O Bhai-jaan ki Paan ki dukaan----- seedhi  zubaan samajh naheen aati aapko? Phool bhi hila diya mere sir ka---huttt!!!! Angry----------Naheen aati samajh?Angry-------------Arey Vishal ya Niketan hota toh ek baar hum soch bhi lete, aap ki toh shakal dekh ke hi samajh naheen aata ki jyaada manhos kaun hai? Ms. Aashka Goradia or Mr. Rajeev Paul. Shooo---chheee---huttt!!!Angry  



RAAT -9.45 BAJE

BIG BOSS (in Rajeev's ears): Rajeev, khufiya task mein ye aapka aakhri mauka hai! Kitchen mein Urvashi aur Sana khaana bana rahe hain. Kya aap, khaane ka zaayka naheen badalna chaahenge?

By now in a new outfit, a crying Rajeev shakes his breasts 12-14 times and Big Boss team notes down his acknowledgement of having understood the instructions. Rajeev goes inside, and without Urvashi noticing manages to mix 400 gms of Salt and 100 gms of MDH Garam Masala in lauki she prepared.



RAJEEV: Urvashi ji, laayiye, kisko khaana dena hai? Main de deta hoon.Embarrassed

URVASHI: How sweet? Santosh ko de do please.Tongue

Rajeev puts sabzi in a plate generously and with two chapatis, takes the plate to Santosh Shukla. Shukla thanks him, screams HAR-HAR MAHADEV, takes one bite and spits it out!Dead

SANTOSH SHUKLA: Fooo! Thhhooo-Aaak thhhooo!!! -----Evil Smile----Ye ZEHAR JAISI SABZI KISNE BANAAYI? Jaan se maaroge kya?Angry

His booming voice is echoing and every one is shivering in fear! Urvashi points fingers at Rajeev and tells him, he is the one who came from no where and must have spoiled the sabzi!

SANTOSH SHUKLA (eyes a blazing Rajnikanth red now):Evil Smile Tune milaaya namak? TUNE MILAAYI MIRCHI?AngryEvil Smile

RAJEEV: Dekhiye, Tu-tadaak mat keejiye aap mujhse. Main aapse aap-aap karke baat---Cry

 SANTOSH (grabs Rajeev by collar): Evil Smile Baat naheen, Laat ka bhoot hai tu!----Chal khol munh--------'munh khol'.Angry

RAJEEV: Cry Aaarghhh-------nnn---nnn------mmm---mmm Cry

SANTOSH (Chokes his throat): MUNH KO ----KHOLLL!!!!!!Angry

RAJEEV (mouth opens)----Aaa-------(Santosh stuffs the zehar like Lauki in his mouth----)-----Aaa----marrr----gayaa----aaa Cry

SANTOSH: Nikla dhuaan kaan se? Kal subah dekhna kya hota hai---Khol, khol munhh-----KHOLLL!!!!!

RAJEEV (Tears streaming down the face): Aaa! Ye----bahut----sob-sob---aaa (gulps down another dose of poison)-----------aaa---mujhe naheen---ohhh---ohhh---paani----aaah----.aaaooo-----(shukla stuffs another palm full)-------------aaarrrghghhh! 

(Rajeev faints)Wacko
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