Fun-Opsis Another Secret Task
SUBAH 10.15 Baje
Big Boss: Rajeev--------------Big Boss chaahte hain ki aap ek khufiyaa kaarya karein---
RAJEEV: Jee Big Boss!
BIG BOSS: Rajeev, aapke saamne table par,ek machine padi hai. Is machine ke zariye, Big Boss aapse lagaatar sampark mein rahenge. Jaise hi Big Boss aapko koi bhi aadesh denge, aapko woh poora karna hoga! Theek hai?
RAJEEV: Ji Big Boss.
BIG BOSS: Rajeev, aap kis tarah ke ishaare se zaahir karenge ki aapne Big Boss ke aadesh ko poori tarah sun liya hai?
RAJEEV: Big Boss main apni naak ko sehlaaunga!
BIG BOSS: Naheen Rajeev. Urvashi fauran samajh jaayengi.
RAJEEV: Big Boss main apne bums khujlaane lagoonga!
BIG BOSS: Naheen. TV par bhadda lagega!
RAJEEV: Theek hai Big Boss, main aapka aadesh milte hi apne boobs hilaunga. Aise-----
(Shakes his chest vigorously)
DOPAHAR 2.15 BAJE
BIG BOSS (in Rajeev's ears): Rajeev, Bakhtiyaar ne Statue task ke dauraan jo aapki be-zzati ki thhi, Delnaaz se uska Hisaab chukaane ka waqt aa gaya hai shaayad!
Rajeev acknowledges having heard the instructions, and vigorously shakes his chest like a cheap Turkish Belly dancer! Approaches Delu who is busy preparing Aloo Maggi in kitchen
RAJEEV: Delu mujhe aapse ek baat kehni thhi---
DELU (disninterested voice): hoon?
RAJEEV: Us din Bakhtiyaar aaya thha, ---Main saaf saaf kehna chaahta hoon ki usne jo bad-tameezi ki uske liye main usko kabhi maaf naheen kar sakta----
DELNAAZ (Shivering with anger):
Tum Bakhtiyaar ko kya maaf naheen
karoge? Woh tumko SAAF kar dega!...Chooha chala Saand se takkar lene------hunhhh--------RAJEEV:
Delu ye galat baat hai! Maine toh kabhi naheen kaha
aap khargosh ho ya ----DELNAAZ:
Khargosh? -----------Tumne phir mere daanton ki taraf ishaara
kiya? Kheench ke maaroongi, chhatpataate hue giroge neeche! Bad-tameez Insaan!
Agar main tumko koi galat baat naheen keh rahi, toh sirf is wazah se ki Mere
Baap ne mujhe Tameez sikkhhhaayi hai!----Ye mere baap ki bad-kismati hai, ki
tum jaisa begairat, uska Jamaayi hai'''.
RAJEEV: Jamaayi thha Delu, I WAS his Son-in-Law!
DELNAAZ:
Thha! And thank God for that! Bakhtiyaar ne bola
tum ne koshish naheen ki apni shaadi bachane ki, toh kya galat bola? Bakhtiyaar
ne bola tum doosri ladkiyon se chipke rehte ho, toh kya galat
bola--------------------(comes near and plucks out a few hair from his
T-shirt)---Ye lambe 4 baal Sana ke hain, ye rookha sookha baal ka gucchha
Aashka ka hai------------Ye chhote auburn baal Urvashi ke aur ye peele-brown
baal ---(pause)---Imam? Tum Imam se bhi chipakne lage ho----cchhheee!!!!------DOON EK ULTE HAATH KA JHAAPAD??? 
RAJEEV (Starts sobbing): Tum hamesha mujhe galat samajhti ho. Chaar baar main 2010 mein aaya, 3 baar 2011 mein. Imam ko main maarne ke liye dauda thha, choomne ke liye naheen------
SHAAM 07.30 BAJE:
BIG BOSS (in Rajeev's ears): Rajeev! Aaj din mein aap apne khufiya task mein poori tarah naakaam rahe hain! Lekin Big Boss aapko ek mauka aur dena chaahte hain. ---Aaapko Imam ko apni baahon mein lena hai aur unke sacche dost ki tarah, unke kandhe pe sir rakh ke zor zor se Rona hai!
Rajeev has a look of panic on his face but he quickly nods his approval by vigorously shaking his 'boobs' again!
In lawn area, Rajeev pounces on Imam, hugs him and starts sobbing on Imam's shoulders.
IMAM (recoils in horror): O hello Rajeev Bhaiyya---hato-hato---door hato.----chhheee---gande insaan------Main koi aisa vaisa naheen hoon haan, ----chhee---door hato!
Even Salman Bhai ko I told I hate your cleavage. Door
hato aur tameez ke paayjaame mein dono payr daalo apne, fauran----------naheen toh woh
haal karoonga ki zindagi bhar rone ke liye kandhe dhoondoge-----huttt!RAJEEV: Imam bhai, please---
IMAM: O Bhai-jaan ki Paan ki dukaan----- seedhi zubaan samajh naheen aati aapko? Phool bhi hila diya mere sir ka---huttt!!!!
----------Naheen aati samajh?-------------Arey Vishal ya Niketan
hota toh ek baar hum soch bhi lete, aap ki toh shakal dekh ke hi samajh naheen
aata ki jyaada manhos kaun hai? Ms. Aashka Goradia or Mr. Rajeev Paul.
Shooo---chheee---huttt!!! 
RAAT -9.45 BAJE
BIG BOSS (in Rajeev's ears): Rajeev, khufiya task mein ye aapka aakhri mauka hai! Kitchen mein Urvashi aur Sana khaana bana rahe hain. Kya aap, khaane ka zaayka naheen badalna chaahenge?
By now in a new outfit, a crying Rajeev shakes his breasts 12-14 times and Big Boss team notes down his acknowledgement of having understood the instructions. Rajeev goes inside, and without Urvashi noticing manages to mix 400 gms of Salt and 100 gms of MDH Garam Masala in lauki she prepared.
RAJEEV: Urvashi ji, laayiye, kisko khaana dena hai? Main de deta hoon.
URVASHI: How sweet? Santosh ko de do please.
Rajeev puts sabzi in a plate generously and with two chapatis, takes the plate to Santosh Shukla. Shukla thanks him, screams HAR-HAR MAHADEV, takes one bite and spits it out!
SANTOSH SHUKLA: Fooo! Thhhooo-Aaak thhhooo!!! -----
----Ye ZEHAR
JAISI SABZI KISNE BANAAYI? Jaan se maaroge kya?His booming voice is echoing and every one is shivering in fear! Urvashi points fingers at Rajeev and tells him, he is the one who came from no where and must have spoiled the sabzi!
SANTOSH SHUKLA (eyes a blazing Rajnikanth red now):
Tune
milaaya namak? TUNE MILAAYI MIRCHI?RAJEEV: Dekhiye, Tu-tadaak mat keejiye aap mujhse. Main aapse aap-aap karke baat---
SANTOSH (grabs Rajeev by collar):
Baat naheen, Laat ka bhoot
hai tu!----Chal khol munh--------'munh khol'.RAJEEV:
Aaarghhh-------nnn---nnn------mmm---mmm SANTOSH (Chokes his throat): MUNH KO ----KHOLLL!!!!!!
RAJEEV (mouth opens)----Aaa-------(Santosh stuffs the zehar like Lauki in his mouth----)-----Aaa----marrr----gayaa----aaa
SANTOSH: Nikla dhuaan kaan se? Kal subah dekhna kya hota hai---Khol, khol munhh-----KHOLLL!!!!!
RAJEEV (Tears streaming down the face): Aaa! Ye----bahut----sob-sob---aaa (gulps down another dose of poison)-----------aaa---mujhe naheen---ohhh---ohhh---paani----aaah----.aaaooo-----(shukla stuffs another palm full)-------------aaarrrghghhh!
(Rajeev faints)
****************************************************************
No comments:
Post a Comment