SCENE I (BANDRA POLICE STATION)
Dreaded gangster, Abu Salem is sitting, staring directly
into the eyes of Inspector Waghmaare, who is visibly nervous and avoiding his direct gaze. After an
uncomfortable silence of few minutes:
INSPECTOR WAGHMAARE: Kya Abu Salem Bhai, thoda toh
Kaayda-Quanoon ka izzat karne ka na bhaai. Abhi aisa bhi kya? Aap toh bade bade
Filim staars ko dhamki-vimki de daale, Construction waalon ki supaari le daale Bhaai.
ABU SALEM: (Raises his hand in a BAS KAR...ENOUGH pose!!)---
INSPECTOR WAGHMAARE (Swallows hard): Naheen, waisehich bola.
Abhi kya hai naa Bhai, Bhaai toh Dawood bhi hua, Arun Gawli bhi hua, Amar Naik
bhi hua, magar sab thoda toh Police ka bhi lihaaz kiye naa Bhai. Thoda toh
mil-zul ke---
ABU SALEM (Tersely): Mera Vakeel baat karega---COURT MEIN!
INSPECTOR WAGHMAARE (sheepishly): Haan-haan. Woh toh aapka legal right
hai naa bhai. Borobar hai--- AYE Paandu-----kisko pakad ke laaya hai re??
Hawaldar Pandu enters Thana with a wretched looking,
skeletal, bearded little chap.
PANDU: Ram Ram Saheb. Jai Maharashtra. Yehi hai sahib, Vallabhrao.
Station ke saamne Teen-Patti khel raha thha. Taabe mein liya saale ko aur utha ke laaya mein abhi? --------------------------(PANDU (Whispers in Waghmaare's ears): Saheb. Ye Abu Salem ko
Izzat se khaana khilao abhi. Khopdi satak gayi toh mere ko Pandu se Bhaandu aur
aapko Waghmaare se ChoohaMaare bana dega Sahib. Duniya ghooma hai Monica Bedi ke
saath, bahoot danger aadmi hai ye Saheb!
INSPECTOR WAGHMAARE (Gets up, red eyed and slaps the
pathetic creatuture Vallabrao hard on ears): Saale! Jua khelta hai? Kanoon todta hai?
Maaila---Inspector Waghmaare ke area mein shaan-patti?
-----------and both Pandu and Waghmaare come out of Police station beating poor Vallabhrao on streets, black and blue!
*********************************************************************
SCENE TWO (JUMME KI RAAT, BIG BOSS KI WAAT)
Originally Shot
version------had to be re-shot as, it could not be aired due to obvious reasons)
SALMAN: Sidhu Ji
SIDHU: Huzoorewaala?
SALMAN: Arey Huzoor ko toh khazoor bana diya hai maharaj
aapne? Kaayde-Kanoon kyun naheen follow karte mere Paa ji? Kyun bane hue ho ek
number ke Paaji?
SIDHU: Tel lene gaye tumhaare Quanoon, tumhare Kaayde! ---- Main
wohi karoonga, jismein mujkho nazar aayenge apne Dil ke faayde! ---Waise main galtiyon ka
putla hoon. Who knows? Kal ko baat samajh gaya toh badal bhi sakta hoon!
SALMAN: O Sidhu Paa Ji. Naa lagao humaare show ki waat------pehle
hi khadi kar chuke ho is season ki khaat. Oye Please Guru!-----Jo meri Biwian naa ban saki,aapko un sab ki kasam Paa ji!!
BIG BOSS(whispers in Salman's ear phone): Sidhu naheen
maanenge. Vrijesh, Niketan ko Sarkaari Gawah bana lo.
SALMAN (Shows angry eyes and asks): Vrijesh, Sidhu Paa Ji Kanoon todte hain, aapke
vichar?
VRIJESH (Shivering with fear...): Satya vachan hai Sarkar! Par Sidhu ji ke saamne
main be-adabi kar naheen sakta, unke saamne kucchh keh naheen sakta.
BIG BOSS (Whispers in Sallu's earphone): Theek hai. Pagloo
ne support kar diya hai humko. Chhote juari ko acchi tarah bajao. Saala Kanoon
tod raha hai! )
SALMAN: Kyun Aseem??
ASEEM (Stammers nervously): Jo nominations naheen karne ki baat hai,
is baat se ek positivity aayi hai, ghar ka mahaul accha hua hai, is baat mein mein
Sidhu ji ke saath---
SALMAN (Shrieks): Sidhu ji ke saath?? Maaroon kya?? Maaroon kya tere bum pe
laat? Bahut ucchal raha hai pehen ke Lungi? Bajaun kya?? Bajaun kya TV se nikal ke
Pungi???
BIG BOSS (booming voice): Salman,
camera crew. Big Boss chaahte hain ki ye poora scene aap dobaara shoot
karein. Dhyaan rahe, Big Boss-6 ek Paarivarik Bakwaas hai aur ismein ye
sab sweekar naheen karenge darshak. ----Please ek baar phir se, aur
sundar, susheel, susanskrit bhaasha ke saath, Jumme Ki Raat, Big Boss ki
Waat ek baar phir se shoot keejiye--Dhanyawaad!
**
India TV journalists scooped out the news that years ago, Salman Bhai
indeed was inside that Bandra Police Station in lock up that unfortunate
night, when Waghmaare unleashed himself on poor Vallabhrao!
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