Tuesday 25 December 2012

Inspector Waghmaare & Big Boss!!!

SCENE I (BANDRA POLICE STATION)


Dreaded gangster, Abu Salem is sitting, staring directly into the eyes of Inspector Waghmaare, who is visibly nervous and avoiding his direct gaze. After an uncomfortable silence of few minutes:

INSPECTOR WAGHMAARE: Kya Abu Salem Bhai, thoda toh Kaayda-Quanoon ka izzat karne ka na bhaai. Abhi aisa bhi kya? Aap toh bade bade Filim staars ko dhamki-vimki de daale, Construction waalon ki supaari le daale Bhaai.Cry

ABU SALEM: (Raises his hand in a BAS KAR...ENOUGH pose!!)---Angry

INSPECTOR WAGHMAARE (Swallows hard): Shocked Naheen, waisehich bola. Abhi kya hai naa Bhai, Bhaai toh Dawood bhi hua, Arun Gawli bhi hua, Amar Naik bhi hua, magar sab thoda toh Police ka bhi lihaaz kiye naa Bhai. Thoda toh mil-zul ke---Shocked

ABU SALEM (Tersely): Mera Vakeel baat karega---COURT MEIN!Angry



INSPECTOR WAGHMAARE (sheepishly): Big smile Haan-haan. Woh toh aapka legal right hai naa bhai. Borobar hai--- AYE Paandu-----kisko pakad ke laaya hai re??Shocked
Hawaldar Pandu enters Thana with a wretched looking, skeletal, bearded little chap.Wacko

PANDU: Ram Ram Saheb. Jai Maharashtra. Yehi hai sahib, Vallabhrao. Station ke saamne Teen-Patti khel raha thha. Taabe mein liya saale ko aur utha ke laaya mein abhi?Smile --------------------------(PANDU (Whispers in Waghmaare's ears): Saheb. Ye Abu Salem ko Izzat se khaana khilao abhi. Khopdi satak gayi toh mere ko Pandu se Bhaandu aur aapko Waghmaare se ChoohaMaare bana dega Sahib. Duniya ghooma hai Monica Bedi ke saath, bahoot danger aadmi hai ye Saheb!Geek

INSPECTOR WAGHMAARE (Gets up, red eyed and slaps the pathetic creatuture Vallabrao hard on ears):Angry Saale! Jua khelta hai? Kanoon todta hai? Maaila---Inspector Waghmaare ke area mein shaan-patti?Angry

-----------and both Pandu and Waghmaare come out of Police station beating poor Vallabhrao on streets, black and blue!GeekWacko

 
*********************************************************************
SCENE TWO (JUMME KI RAAT, BIG BOSS KI WAAT)

Originally Shot version------had to be re-shot as, it could not be aired due to obvious reasons)Confused

SALMAN: Sidhu JiSmile

SIDHU: Huzoorewaala?Wink

SALMAN: Confused Arey Huzoor ko toh khazoor bana diya hai maharaj aapne?Cry Kaayde-Kanoon kyun naheen follow karte mere Paa ji? Kyun bane hue ho ek number ke Paaji?Cry

SIDHU: Angry Tel lene gaye tumhaare Quanoon, tumhare Kaayde! ---- Main wohi karoonga, jismein mujkho nazar aayenge apne Dil ke faayde! Clap---Waise main galtiyon ka putla hoon.Wink Who knows? Kal ko baat samajh gaya toh badal bhi sakta hoon!Star

SALMAN: O Sidhu Paa Ji. Naa lagao humaare show ki waat------pehle hi khadi kar chuke ho is season ki khaat.Cry Oye Please Guru!-----Jo meri Biwian naa ban saki,aapko un sab ki kasam Paa ji!!Cry  



BIG BOSS(whispers in Salman's ear phone): Sidhu naheen maanenge. Vrijesh, Niketan ko Sarkaari Gawah bana lo.

SALMAN (Shows angry eyes and asks): AngryVrijesh, Sidhu Paa Ji Kanoon todte hain, aapke vichar?Angry

VRIJESH (Shivering with fear...): Satya vachan hai Sarkar! Par Sidhu ji ke saamne main be-adabi kar naheen sakta, unke saamne kucchh keh naheen sakta.

BIG BOSS (Whispers in Sallu's earphone): Theek hai. Pagloo ne support kar diya hai humko. Chhote juari ko acchi tarah bajao. Saala Kanoon tod raha hai! Angry)

SALMAN: Kyun Aseem??

ASEEM (Stammers nervously): ShockedJo nominations naheen karne ki baat hai, is baat se ek positivity aayi hai, ghar ka mahaul accha hua hai, is baat mein mein Sidhu ji ke saath---Shocked

SALMAN (Shrieks): Sidhu ji ke saath?? AngryMaaroon kya?? Maaroon kya tere bum pe laat? Angry Bahut ucchal raha hai pehen ke Lungi? Bajaun kya?? Bajaun kya  TV se nikal ke Pungi???AngryAngry  



BIG BOSS (booming voice): Salman, camera crew. Big Boss chaahte hain ki ye poora scene aap dobaara shoot karein. Dhyaan rahe, Big Boss-6 ek Paarivarik Bakwaas hai aur ismein ye sab sweekar naheen karenge darshak. ----Please ek baar phir se, aur sundar, susheel, susanskrit bhaasha ke saath, Jumme Ki Raat, Big Boss ki Waat ek baar phir se shoot keejiye--Dhanyawaad!

** India TV journalists scooped out the news that years ago, Salman Bhai indeed was inside that Bandra Police Station in lock up that unfortunate night, when Waghmaare unleashed himself on poor Vallabhrao!ErmmUnhappyWacko

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