Funopsis-October 19-KAAGAZ KE FOOLS & LOTA Episode
DAY 12, 08.47 A.M.
A furious
scream is heard from Bathroom area. No doubt about voice owner's identity at
all!
SAMPAT
(Furious Scream): Koun hai je bad-tameeez is ghar maa? Koun hai I kam-bakhat?
Birbal of House Sidhu Ji, Dillu,
Dillu's Pillu, Bong Sayantani, Toing Sana, Majnoo Aseem, Pagloo Vrijesh, Lamboo
Karishma, Constipated Niketan, Choosa Hua Aam,------all rush to the bathroom
area and all are in KYA HUA, KAB HUA, KAISE HUA state.
SIDHU: Oye
kya ho gaya Mohtarima subah-subah? ---------Cocroach ke oopar paon pad gaya, ------------koi
chooha petti-coat ka naada kutar gaya ya kauvva sir ke oopar beet kar gaya? -----------Aakhir
hua kya hai Pinky ji?
SAMPAT
(Angry as hell): Maskhari naa karein Siddhoo bhaiyya. ------- Kauno sasur kambakhat hain
ihaan, roz-roz baaathroom se botal feink det hai. Kitnaa paresaaani hoti hai roz
subah-subah!
ASEEM (Nervously stammers): Sid--dhu
Paa j-jji ye theek bol rahi hain. Daily main bhi apna peetal----umm-------------brass-------brass
ka Lota Dustbin se utha ke laata hoon.--------------------- Daily feink deta
hai koi Sir.
Soon they
discover, this week, cleaning of bathrooms is being done by Lamboo Karishma,
Toing Kacchha Sana and Dharamveer Skirt wearing Sapna Bhavnani. All are summoned to living room area and a
hearing takes place.
SAPNA: Maine
fenka. ----Maine fenka Bottles bhi and that weird looking vessel --------that Lota bhi.
Gossshhh!!! How can you guys be so unhygienic? Toilet paper use karo baba-----CHHEEE!
ASEEM (Weak
squeal): Weird kisko bola? Weird kisko bola? Mere Lote ko? Khud ko dekho, sir
se payr tak weird hain aap!
Delu is
adoringly looking at Aseem and nodding her head in agreement. Pillu doesn't
miss this look of doting affection on Dillu's face for Aseem and gently parks
his tear-soaked face on Sayantani's shoulders who coils away in disgust!
SAMPAT (to
Sapna): O Pooncchh kati Bandariya! Ek baar hum Pairis (Paris) gaye rahe, unhaan
Harpic se Sampooo ki jagah baal bhi dhoye rahe aur Harpic Botal se Botal ka kaam
bhi chalaayi liye!------------ Magar I sab ihaan naahi chali ab. Choti pakad ke chaar chamaat
dhar dayi bas---------Iski toh choti bhi naahin hai, hunhhh!
KARISHMA:
Sidhu Paa Ji, we respect you all. Aap boliye naa. Itna evolution hua hai, itna
man civilized hua hai. Abhi bhi Bottle mein paani? ----Paani on bums--------Chheee.
Chhheee! --------Why can't she and Aseem use Toilet paper, haan?
VRIJESH
HIRJEE (His typical pagloo dialogue, in which he periodically rolls eyes upwards
and after each sentence, comes out with a TOKK sound with his tongue smacking
against upper mouth): O hello Madam--------------Evolution-Vevolution kucchh
naheen hua'TOKK!-----------------------Six million saal ki
evolution----TOKK-----Bandar ban gaya
aadmi----------TOKK------Phir Aadmi ne banaayi
Vodka-Whiskey-Rum---------------(Rolls eyes upwards)-----------Vodka-Whiskey-Rum
pee ke----TOKKK------2 ghante mein Aadmi phir se Bandar aur bhool gaya saare
gham!!----TOKKK------Subah khaali Vodka ki Botal bathroom mein-----------TOKK-------Thanda-Thanda
Cool-Cool paani on Bums----TOKK----Bandar phir se Insaan---------hmmm----TOKK!!
SIDHU
(Hysterically laughs): O teri! Hahahahaha! 2 ghante
mein----hahahahahahaha------aadmi phir se Bandar--------chhha gaya Guru, Chhha
gaya------------Oye-Oye, fan ho gaya yaar main tera-hahahahaha!
SAMPAT
(Angry as hell): Siddhoo Bhaiyya, kya haa-haa-hee-hee kar rahe ho?-------- Humree
Botal dilao naahin toh kasam Parmeswar ki, Maar-maar ke Gulaabi kar dayin hum
in Mem-Saahiban kaa---
SAPNA
(Screams): Maarengi aap humko? Maarengi? ----CHALO!-----MAAR KE DIKHAO!----MAAR
KE DIKKKHHHAAAO!------MAAAR KKKE
DIKKKHHHAAAOOO!
Choosa Hua Aam
Kashif, Constipated Niketan and Roly-Poly
Dillu drag away Sampat to the left side------Bong Sayantani, Toing Sana, Lamboo
Karishma and Pagloo Hirjee drag away Weirdo Sapna to the right side.
Delu's
Pillu Paul at first, makes use of opportunity and immediately grabs Karishma
Kotak by her waist! Suddenly Pillu Paul remembers Sallu's words about his being
touchy-touchy and backs away in horror! Away from all females!
ASEEM
(persuasive argument): Dekhiye naa Sidhu Paa ji. Koi jitna marzee Toilet Paper
ragad le, asli safaayi toh paani se hi ho sakti hai naa?
SIDHU: Ek
dum durust farmaaya huzoorewaala----I agree! Asli safaayi toh paani se hi-----
URVASHI (in
her Kaali Naagin Bindi, haath nacha nacha ke, aankhein ghuma ghuma ke): Aa-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha!
Kya correct farmaaya Sir? ----One takes a shower too---Potty ke baad nahaate
naheen kya? Hain? Boliye?
SIDHU:
Correct. Ek dum durust farmaaya Mohtari-maa Urvashi Ji ne'
URVASHI
(Rolls eyes upwards and spits fire): Main sirf apne bacchon ki Maa hoon, kisi
Mohtar ki Maa naheen hoon. Stick to topic Sidhu ji.Hunhhh!
VRIJESH
PAGLOO HIRJEE: Arey hata-Saawan ki Ghata---------Ek baar potty jaa ke'Tokk----Tumhara
kaagaz ragad ke?----------aadmi naha lega aur ho jaayega saaf!---Tokkk!-----------------Dobaara
potty aayi toh? Teesri baar?---Chauthi baar??----Tokk-Tokk- Tokkk!----(Rolls
eyes upwards)----------SAARA DIN AADMI NAHAATA RAHEGA KYA?----Baat karti hai!--Tokk???
SIDHU
(Laughs): hahahahahaha! Point toh hai Guru!------Saara din koi kaise nahaayega
oye?----- Hahahaha
KARSIHMA:
Goshhh! Yuckkk! ---------How can some
one keep going for Potty again and again'Chhheee!
SANA KHAN
(unconvinced looks but): Yeah! Haan-------Chhheee! Chheee!!
NIKETAN
(Constipated looks): Mujhe idea naheen hai. Main toh 5-6 din mein ek hi baar
Potty jaa paata hoon. How would I know?
KARISHMA:
Yeah, that was the reason we separ-----------
NIKETAN
(Pleading looks-sharply hisses): Karishma please!
KARISHMA:
Hunhhh
SIDHU (Calls
Kashif): Oye! -----oye--- be-mausam ke choose hue aam?-------- Idhar aaa---------Idhar
aaa! Tu kya hai Oye?---------- Kaagaz ka Fool? ----------Ya Jal ki Nirmal
Dhaara?
KASHIF: Mere
ko kucchh bhi naheen chaahiye Sidhu Paa Ji. My sweat and potty are both, very hygienic.
Mere ko toh dono ke bina bhi chalega!
Birbal Sidhu Ji splits
the group into two, walks out of room, to kitchen area with five of them and
unleashes a free sermon that Professional Baba Jis charge lots of money for!
SIDHU:
Sampat Ji, Aseem, Dillu, Dillu Ke Pillu, Pagloo Vrijesh---Dil jeet liya yaar
tum sabne Sardaar Sidhu ka Oye! ---------Chhaa gaye tum sab Oye!-------- Kaagaz
jaisi pavitra cheez koi bums pe ragad-ta hai kya? -----------Arey Grantha likhe
jaate hain kaagaz par, Prem-patra likhe jaate hain, ---------Kavitaayein likhi
jaati hain, Upanyaas likhe jaate hain!------------------ Main toh kehta
hoon----Insaan apni sabse khoobsoorat bhaavnaon ka izhaar karta hai kaagaz pe!--------------Bum
pe kaagaz? Main kehta hoon dhikkar hai'laanat hai oye!------------- Ye Pink
Bathroom tum logon ka oye!-----------Bhar do is bathroom ko Botalon se, Loton
se aur zindahi ko cheh-chahaane do, khushiyon ko muskuraane do -----aur un
kambakhton ko marne do doosre bathroom mein!
Then Sidhu
comes back to the remaining lot and resumes:
SIDHU: Sapna
Ji, Urvashi Mohtar---ooops maaf karna,----Urvashi sirf apne-bachon-ki-Maa Ji,
Karishma Ji, Sayantani Ji, Toing Ji, Rondu Aurat-------- Dil jeetliya yaar tum sabne Sidhu Sardaar
ka Oye! Chhaa gaye tum sab Oye!--------------------------Paani jaisi nirmal
cheez koi bums pe chhidak-ta hai kya?----------------------Arey kal-kal karti
Nirmal Nadiyaan------Jhar-Jhar Behte vyaakul Jharne--------Paani ko jo bum pe
chhidke, uski akal gayi ghaas ko charne!------------------Bum pe paani?------
Main kehta hoon dhikkar hai'laanat hai oye!- Ye Green Bathroom tum logon ka oye!-----------Saja do
is bathroom mein rang-birange Toilet Rolls aur zindahi ko cheh-chahaane do,
khushiyon ko muskuraane do-----aur un kambakhton ko marne do doosre bathroom
mein!
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